The secret of my ego: What drives me?

78% of 40 to 49-year-olds say you can influence your happiness if you make an effort to achieve your goals. This was the result of a representative survey conducted by "Idee für mich" in collaboration with Emnid. There is a little machine inside each of us, says Enneagram expert Mira Mühlenhof. This machine produces exactly the thing that makes us happiest: love, for example. Or success. With the Enneagram, we can find out what really drives us on our journey through life.

via Sabrina

06/02/2016, 11:59

Perfektion: Man erkennt Menschen mit dieser inneren Maschine daran, dass sie alles, was sie tun, möglichst genau und ordentlich erledigen. Sie hängen die Messlatte jeden Tag ein bisschen höher. Mal alle Fünfe gerade sein zu lassen, kommt für sie nicht in Frage. Ihre Aufmerksamkeit richtet sich auf alles, was noch in Ordnung gebracht, noch korrigiert oder besser gemacht werden muss. Dieser hohe Anspruch führt dazu, dass sie streng mit sich selbst und mit ihrer Umwelt umgehen. Ihre innere Strenge wird auch na — **PERFECTION** You can recognize people with this inner machine by the fact that they do everything they do as accurately and neatly as possible. They raise the bar a little higher every day. Letting all fives go is out of the question for them. Their attention is focused on everything that still needs to be put in order, corrected or improved. This high standard means that they are strict with themselves and their environment. Their inner strictness is also visible on the outside. Their posture is accurate, the car is parked correctly and the windows are cleaned without streaks. **The toad:** You drive over yourself and others with your high standards. **Healing sentence:** You are good.

ERFOLG Menschen mit dieser Persönlichkeitsstruktur sind im Job die totalen Überflieger und nehmen auf der Karriereleiter gern mehrere Stufen auf einmal. Das ist es auch, was ihnen im Leben am wichtigsten ist: der berufliche Erfolg. Ihr Ehrgeiz wirkt dabei nicht verbissen, sondern locker und charmant. Diese Menschen arbeiten Tag und Nacht, machen immer vieles gleichzeitig und schaffen es zwischendurch gerade mal, vom Brötchen abzubeißen. Erfolgsmenschen beherrschen das Prinzip des Multitaskings perfekt. Über — **SUCCESS** People with this personality structure are total high-flyers at work and like to take several steps on the career ladder at once. This is also what is most important to them in life: professional success. Their ambition does not come across as dogged, but rather relaxed and charming. These people work day and night, always do a lot at the same time and just manage to take a bite out of a sandwich in between. Successful people master the principle of multitasking perfectly. In fact, their cell phone is their most important object: they are brilliant networkers and extremely creative minds. And they like to talk about themselves and their successes. **The toad:** You deceive yourself and others about your true self, always wanting too much of everything. **Healing phrase:** You are loved for yourself.

MACHT Die Chef-Typen haben die Macht und so fühlen sie sich auch. Ihre Selbstüberzeugung: „Wo ich bin, ist oben.“ Sie haben das, was wir als Charisma bezeichnen: ein starkes, selbstbewusstes, selbstverständliches Auftreten. Menschen mit dieser inneren Maschine übersieht man nicht. Eher hören alle anderen auf zu reden, wenn sie den Raum betreten. Die Bosse regieren von ihrem Thron aus. Dort ist nur Platz für eine Person und wer nicht spurt, der wird schon merken, was er davon hat. Machtmenschen kennen kein P — **POWER** The boss types have the power and that's how they feel. Their self-conviction: "Where I am is at the top." They have what we call charisma: a strong, self-confident, natural demeanor. People with this inner machine cannot be overlooked. Everyone else tends to stop talking when they enter the room. Bosses rule from their throne. There's only room for one person and anyone who doesn't get their act together will see what they get. Power mongers know no mercy, they distinguish between black and white, friend or foe. There is nothing in between. They often show their softer side when dealing with children. **The toad:** You must always set the tone. **Healing sentence:** You will not be cheated.

SPASS Diese innere Maschine produziert Spaß am laufenden Band, damit der Besitzer der Maschine möglichst glücklich ist. Das scheint auch zu funktionieren. Diese Menschen sind immer ein bisschen besser drauf als andere. Sie sind Berufsoptimisten. Wie Pippi Langstrumpf machen sie sich die Welt, wie sie ihnen gefällt. Bei ihnen ist das Glas nicht nur halb voll, nein, es schäumt über – weil sie Prosecco hineingeschüttet haben. Der Terminkalender ist randvoll gefüllt mit Aktivitäten, die möglichst viel Spaß bere — **FUN** This inner machine produces fun non-stop so that the owner of the machine is as happy as possible. And it seems to work. These people are always in a slightly better mood than others. They are professional optimists. Like Pippi Longstocking, they make the world the way they like it. Their glass isn't just half full, no, it's overflowing - because they've poured Prosecco into it. Their diaries are filled to the brim with activities that are as much fun as possible: Sport, food, parties. There's always a chocolate in their desk drawer and the suitcase for the next city trip is already packed. These people are intoxicated by the beauty of life. **The toad:** You simply block out everything negative in your life. **Healing phrase:** You will be taken care of.

HARMONIE Diese Menschen ruhen in sich selbst. Ihr Job ist es, für Frieden zu sorgen und jederzeit bei Konflikten einzugreifen. Sie sind angenehme Zeitgenossen und wirken ausgleichend auf andere. In einen Streit verwickelt zu sein, können sie nur schwer aushalten. Diese Menschen sind gemütlich und haben es auch gern gemütlich. Sie können sich den lieben langen Tag mit Nebensächlichkeiten ablenken. Manchmal wirken sie sehr verträumt. Dann verspüren andere vielleicht den Impuls, sie ein wenig anzuschieben. Man — **HARMONY** These people are at peace with themselves. It is their job to keep the peace and to intervene in conflicts at any time. They are pleasant contemporaries and have a balancing effect on others. They find it difficult to endure being involved in an argument. These people are cozy and like to be comfortable. They can distract themselves with trivialities all day long. Sometimes they seem very dreamy. Then others may feel the urge to push them a little. They need to be chased. Because they are so happy with the way things are, they like to leave things as they are. **The toad:** You don't take yourself and your needs seriously. **Healing sentence:** You are important.

LIEBE Menschen mit dieser Persönlichkeitsstruktur helfen ungefragt. Sie sind immer für andere da, kümmern sich aufopfernd (nicht nur) um Schwächere und Hilfsbedürftige, sind die kleinen Helferlein im Büro, in der Nachbarschaft, im Freundeskreis und in der Familie. Ihr Fokus richtet sich immer auf die Belange und Bedürfnisse anderer, nicht auf die eigenen – dazu sind sie zu bescheiden. Oder zu stolz, um selbst auch einmal Hilfe anzunehmen? Durch Ihre Ausrichtung auf andere vergessen sie, wie wichtig es ist, — **LOVE** People with this personality structure help without being asked. They are always there for others, sacrificially care (not only) for the weak and those in need of help, are the little helpers in the office, in the neighborhood, among friends and in the family. Their focus is always on the concerns and needs of others, not on their own - they are too modest for that. Or are they too proud to accept help themselves? By focusing on others, they forget how important it is to love themselves too. Sooner or later, they realize this imbalance. Then they start to demand a reward for their selfless help, usually in the form of extorted love in return. **The toad:** You are not as selfless as you think you are, but expect something in return from others for your love and care. **Healing sentence:** You are wanted.

WISSEN Diese Menschen beobachten genau, analysieren alles und jeden und dringen tief in die Materie ein. Small-Talk ist ihnen ein Gräuel, wie auch große Menschenmengen. Sie mögen es nicht, wenn jemand sie bedrängt oder ihnen zu nahe kommt. Viel lieber sind sie für sich allein, um in Ruhe eine (meist natur- wissenschaftliche) Formel zu entschlüsseln oder an einer neuen Erfindung zu arbeiten. Sie mögen den Rückzug, am allerliebsten in die Natur – sie ist unbegrenzt und engt nicht ein. Ihre Kleidung ist prakti — **KNOWLEDGE** These people observe closely, analyze everything and everyone and delve deep into the subject matter. Small talk is anathema to them, as are large crowds. They don't like it when someone pushes them or gets too close to them. They much prefer to be on their own to decipher a (usually scientific) formula or work on a new invention in peace. They like to retreat, preferably into nature - it is unlimited and not restrictive. Their clothes are practical and functional and have no meaning for them. People with this inner machine like to engage in intensive technical discussions. Too many feelings are not their thing. They are the Einsteins of our society. **The toad:** You are afraid of closeness and intense interpersonal relationships. **Healing sentence:** Your needs are okay.

INDIVIDUALITÄT Diese Menschen haben überaus großes Interesse daran, sich selbst zu verstehen. Sie nehmen sich als getrennt von den anderen wahr, denken und fühlen anders. Darum verhalten sie sich auch so. Menschen mit dieser inneren Maschine kleiden sich individuell, um sich von der Masse abzuheben. Sie gestalten ihr Umfeld und ihren Lebensraum auf eine besondere Art und Weise und drücken ihr Innenleben über eine künstlerische Tätigkeit aus. Dazu suchen sie sich ein Umfeld, in dem sie ihr Anderssein auslebe — **INDIVIDUALITY** These people are extremely interested in understanding themselves. They perceive themselves as separate from others and think and feel differently. That is why they behave this way. People with this inner machine dress individually in order to stand out from the crowd. They design their environment and living space in a special way and express their inner life through artistic activity. To do this, they look for an environment in which they can live out their otherness - usually in artistic circles and creative professions. They have a keen sense of aesthetics. Their intense feelings often lead to (self-staged) dramas. They are always missing something - which prevents them from being happy. **The toad:** You are living in an illusion. Your constant longing for something that is not there prevents true happiness. **Healing sentence**: You deserve recognition.

KAMPF Menschen, die von der Maschine Kampf angetrieben werden, sind für jedes Abenteuer zu haben. Wie Indiana Jones stellen sie sich jeder Gefahr. Ihre Ausstrahlung ist kraftvoll und energetisch und sie wissen diese Kraft auch wohldosiert einzusetzen. In zwischenmenschlichen Beziehungen und in der Gestaltung des Alltags sind sie strategische Kämpfer, die vorausschauend agieren. Damit stellen sie sicher, dass sie nicht unüberlegt handeln, die Kontrolle haben und den Gegner im Auge behalten. Der Kampf richtet — **FIGHTING** People who are driven by the fight machine are up for any adventure. Like Indiana Jones, they face up to any danger. Their charisma is powerful and energetic and they know how to use this power well. In interpersonal relationships and in the organization of everyday life, they are strategic fighters who act with foresight. This ensures that they do not act rashly, are in control and keep an eye on their opponent. However, the fight is only supposedly against others: People with this personality structure are actually fighting against themselves. People with the fight machine have similarities with the security type. Both types are united by the fact that they are constantly on the lookout. They compensate for their (conscious or unconscious) fear of illness or job loss with secure employment and fixed structures. They fear being abandoned and being alone. This is why they constantly test their partners or employers for their loyalty. They are at war with authority figures, especially if they have proven to be unreliable. **The Toad:** Your life is really a constant struggle. Nothing flows. **Healing phrase:** You are safe and protected.

Sicherheit: Menschen, die von dieser inneren Maschine angetrieben werden, haben immer den schlimmsten Fall vor Augen: Sie sehen bildlich, was alles schiefgehen könnte. Ihre Gegenstrategie besteht darin, planend und vorausschauend zu agieren, sie brauchen verlässliche Struktu- ren. Da sie sich auf alle Begebenheiten des Lebens so gut vorberei- ten, haben sie selbst und andere oftmals den Eindruck, als hätten sie den sechsten Sinn. Dabei richten sie doch nur die Aufmerksamkeit auf das, was misslingen könnte. — **SAFETY** People who are driven by this inner machine always have the worst-case scenario in mind: they can visualize everything that could go wrong. Their counter-strategy is to plan and act with foresight; they need reliable structures. Because they prepare so well for all of life's events, they often give themselves and others the impression that they have a sixth sense. However, they only focus their attention on what could go wrong. This gives rise to the urge to protect themselves against all (inner) horror scenarios, for example by installing alarm systems or cooking the Christmas menu for the family twice in advance. **However** , when people are too sure of themselves, they also want to escape. Then the security types switch to a machine that is very similar to them, the battle machine. This manifests itself in them becoming rebellious, seeking adventure and doing rash things. However, this never lasts for long, as the idea of safety quickly reasserts itself and the motto is: back in the basket, off home! **The toad:** You have no confidence in yourself or in the world. **Healing sentence:** You can trust yourself.

Mehr Informationen zu Enneagramm-Expertin Mira Mühlenhof und Termine finden Sie unter www.keytosee.de — More information about Enneagram expert Mira Mühlenhof and dates can be found at www.keytosee.de

"The insights from the Enneagram can knock your socks off"

What would it be like if you could finally really understand and accept yourself? And what if you could understand why the people around you do what they do? Welcome to the world of the Enneagram! This is not just esoteric mumbo-jumbo, but one of the oldest personality models known to mankind. Its origins are well over two thousand years old, and it is more relevant today than ever before. The insights you can gain from this typology can literally knock your socks off. For many people, the Enneagram is the key to a completely new understanding of themselves. The effect: more power and charisma, a new focus on your own strengths, better relationships and, above all, an inner glow - one of the best beauty tools of all.

Secret knowledge rediscovered

The Enneagram (Greek: nine images of man) distinguishes nine human personalities with their typical behaviors and their different ways of thinking, feeling and acting. You can use the typology to learn to look deep into people's souls. Including yourself, by the way.

For a long time, the Enneagram was associated with esotericism and was thus given the stamp of purple woolly socks. Wrongly, in my opinion. Although the typology is now also used in a business context, it still occupies a niche. The fact is that the Enneagram has been confirmed by brain research. It is a powerful tool for self-awareness and can provide in-depth knowledge of human nature. With the Enneagram, you embark on a personal development path that goes far beyond imagination. And anyone who takes a closer look at the model will understand why it was long regarded as secret knowledge (the first book on the subject was only published almost fifty years ago): The knowledge you can gain about yourself and others with the Enneagram can be a blessing or a weapon.

I had stumbled upon the truth

I myself experienced a revelation with the Enneagram: I had already read a book on the subject and was looking for further reading in a bookshop. Standing in front of the shelf, I pulled out an Enneagram book, opened it at random and experienced how one of the sentences literally jumped out of the book and right into my face: You must not have your own feelings or your own will.

I felt hot and cold at the same time. It felt as if someone had hit me with a baseball bat. I was shaking, I broke out in a sweat, everything was shaking. A little later, I found myself on the floor, laughing and crying at the same time. An irritated bookseller leaned over me and asked anxiously if she could help me in any way. I was unable to speak and could only shake my head wildly. Fortunately, she left me alone and I collected myself. It was only later that I understood what had happened that day in the bookshop: I had come across a deep truth about myself that I had suppressed in my previous life. I had exposed my unconscious self-image, my deepest inner belief.

Bloody hell, that hurt! And at the same time, it was good to finally understand why I am the way I am. Why I always feel like I have to pretend in order to be liked. Why I don't look after myself and my needs, but constantly want to meet the demands of others. Why I can't say "no" and stand up for myself.

Feelings of shame and liberation

The following weeks and months were no walk in the park. I read a lot about the Enneagram and felt like a caricature of myself. I read descriptions of my personality pattern that were so accurate that I felt like a human decal, like a robot. I felt totally caught out and wondered whether I was an individual at all. Had my parents ordered me from a catalog? I found it off-putting and fascinating at the same time that the descriptions of my personality were so accurate. The authors didn't even know me, how could they write something like that about me? Heavens! Had I really had such a skewed or false image of myself? Had I stumbled blindly through my life? At the same time, the Enneagram gave me many liberating insights: I finally understood myself and my life - backwards. I finally knew where my construction sites were. What I have to work on.

The key to seeing

I started giving courses on the Enneagram. Over the years, I have observed an interesting phenomenon: the tendency to misidentify. On first contact with the Enneagram, many people do not assign themselves to the personality type they are, but to the one they would like to be. There is nothing wrong with that. But then nothing changes! If you want to develop your personality and make lasting changes to your life, you need profound self-knowledge. Since then, my mission has been to accompany people on this path to such a life-changing realization, such an "aha" experience. It doesn't matter whether the realization - as in my case - simply falls from the sky or gradually creeps into consciousness. The effect is the same: Everything changes.

A little self-experiment

Curious? Here I present ten inner "machines" that can drive people: the nine original Enneagram types and one type that I have added. Someone who is driven by the "harmony" machine, for example, will automatically behave in all situations in life in such a way as to create as much harmony as possible. In this way, your machine tries to satisfy a deficiency that lies deep within you. That is why you have the feeling that you are happy when your machine produces a lot of its product. However, the reality is different. Your machine produces a product that feels great - but the effect doesn't last long! That's why you run after your happiness for a lifetime.

You are not aware of the behavior that results from the machines. However, other people can see or perceive it. However, as long as you yourself don't know what product your inner machine is producing, you will continue to have the same thought patterns and feelings and experience similar situations. In order to get off this hamster wheel and access your hidden talents and resources, you first need to swallow a 'toad'. This metaphor stands for being honest with yourself and showing a willingness to accept an unpleasant truth about yourself. The reward follows immediately: you may not be able to get rid of your old patterns of behavior overnight, but you have already taken the biggest and most important step towards self-acceptance and self-love!

It is helpful to have a healing sentence to guide you. Which one is particularly good for you? What type am I? The description of the machines, the associated toads and the healing sentences can give you some initial clues about your own type. However, you will only have found your true Enneagram type when you can feel it deep in your heart.

This feeling of the pattern, the unmasking of your own false self-image, is often associated with a certain shame: You are uncomfortably touched. At the same time, you feel what is called "inner liberation": You understand yourself better, look at your life and your interpersonal relationships in a completely different way and recognize your true talents.

With this new knowledge about yourself, you can now set off for new shores. That feels damn good. And the most important thing: you can finally accept yourself as you are. You can sustainably satisfy your lack and don't have to look for fulfillment in the outside world. This is the decisive step towards self-love and inner peace.