According to a survey, the majority of Germans believe that there is one great love that will last until the end of their lives. More than 65 percent of those surveyed believe in it. Many cite positive examples among their friends and acquaintances as the reason for this optimistic assessment. This is despite the fact that, according to the Federal Statistical Office, more than a third of marriages end in divorce within the first 25 years. However, this also means that a good two thirds of couples stay together and save their love over time. The question remains: what is it that keeps two people together? After all, as a couple you have a number of challenges to overcome: starting with everyday life, then perhaps children are born who change your priorities and reduce the time you have as a couple to a minimum. In addition, there are often quirks and habits that only become apparent over time (usually not in a positive way). When the tummy tingling disappears after two years at the latest, familiarity, kindness and generosity are what count. Psychologists have discovered that this is the cement for long and happy relationships.

1 Taking stock together

What have we achieved together? What dreams have we been able to fulfill? What crises have we overcome? Realizing from time to time how strong you are as a couple promotes the feeling of being a good team - and thus strengthens the relationship.

2 Talk to each other - and talk. And talk

New lovers tell each other everything, sometimes chatting through the night. Maintaining an interest in each other and talking about something other than everyday things leads us to rediscover our partner.

3 Arguing fairly - and making up again

Of course we get into arguments from time to time - that's normal and important. But despite all the anger, you should never be mean or derogatory. Offenses hurt - permanently. So stay fair, let the other person finish speaking and listen carefully.

4 Small gestures instead of big deeds

A note with a small message, your favorite chocolate or flowers: such attentions make you happy and strengthen love.

5 Recognize successes and celebrate together

Everyone needs praise and encouragement, but we sometimes forget this with our partner. It's much easier to celebrate achievements together.

6 Don't forget about sex

Don't worry, you don't have to try out complicated positions in pinching lingerie. It's all about physical closeness and intimacy. This can be cuddly, familiar sex, but small everyday affections such as kisses, hugs and small touches are almost more important.

7 Arrange smartphone-free times

If you are constantly busy on your cell phone, you pay less or too little attention to your partner. This harms the relationship.

8 Maintain your own friendships and hobbies

Of course it's nice to do things together. But it's more exciting when everyone can pursue their own interests.

9 Strengthen the relationship with rituals

Sounds simple, but it's super effective: consciously make time for each other - for example, by reserving one evening a week to go to the movies or out for dinner. Or review the day in bed - together.

10 Cook together, because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Chop together, have a glass of wine, chat in peace and then enjoy a nice meal. A real secret recipe!

"Being in love also means stress"

Psychotherapist and coach Hoger Kuntze (www.holgerkuntze.de) advises couples in Berlin. You can find more information in his book "Loving means wanting" (18 euros, Kösel-Verlag)

Everyone dreams of it, but can you really stay in love permanently in a relationship?

Being in love is a unique state of emergency for the body, which is mainly triggered by adrenaline. But this is also an anxiety and stress hormone. If we were to live like this for more than a few months, we would collapse at some point. It is neither possible nor sensible to stay in love.

So why is the feeling of being in love so appealing?

For one thing, we know this feeling from puberty, when we experienced it for the first time and perhaps most intensely. It is something very positive for us. On the other hand, being in love, this adrenaline rush, is also highly propagated in our society.

How much does what we see in movies, for example, influence what we expect in love?

The idea we have of love or being in love is a social construct. Films, advertising and even songs convey that it is possible to live in a constant feeling of happiness and excitement. And we internalize this subconsciously. Another point: the quality of long-term relationships is very difficult to portray in the media - it can only be experienced.

What makes a good partnership anyway?

It's about appreciating what you have and growing with your partner. Partners should be honest with each other, talk honestly about everything, formulate their needs and be able to overcome crises together.

And how does this differ from a normal friendship?

Love is more than just sharing interests. The togetherness and duration of a relationship have their own quality, it is a category of the heart. You spend time with the person you have experienced a lot with - and make plans together.

What strategies help couples to keep their love alive?

On the one hand, short-term excitement together is great. By trying out new things with your partner, they become a bit of a stranger to us again - and that has an attractive effect. On the other hand, a relationship deepens when you look into each other's souls - for example by having real conversations in which you share your thoughts with your partner.

And what if someone doesn't want to talk about their feelings?

Not everyone is equally good at talking about themselves. If someone doesn't have the words for it, that's fine. It's enough to listen to the other person.

Does great love not exist, or do couples just give up too quickly?

You have to want love. Anyone who wants to be in love all the time - and thus ends partnerships again and again - is chasing a carrot that they will never reach. But many people live love. Permanently and usually happily.

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Saving a relationship: What to do when there's a crisis?
How can we manage to have pleasurable sex even in long-term relationships
Strengthening love in everyday life: 11 tips for a happy relationship
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