When the day is fully planned, there is simply no time for spontaneity and relaxation in bed. So sex is squeezed in somewhere in between. Often between your favorite series and bedtime. How exciting. And then you end up wondering why you don't enjoy it any more and instead it becomes a pure chore.

What can help? Slowing life down a little. Taking time for each other. And what could be better than an erotic massage? It relaxes, stimulates and if it goes really well, it can culminate in wonderful lovemaking. Then something else has to be canceled. Perhaps sport. After all, sex is also a physical activity that you can even do together with your partner.

The right preparation

It doesn't take that much preparation. The most important thing is to make an appointment. No other commitments, switch off the phone and the TV. I mention this because it is not uncommon for someone to be busy with one eye elsewhere. That's stupid for both of them. No, this is about sensual pleasure. That's why there is no other distraction than pleasure, which is allowed to spread unhindered. What do you need for this?

• Dimmed light
• A few candles
• A pleasant room temperature
• Soft music in the background

On the one hand, fragrant massage candles provide candlelight, on the other hand, the oil, which liquefies due to the heat of the burning wick, is already at a pleasant temperature. You can also use special massage oils.

And off you go

Both partners should be naked for an erotic massage, as this involves the whole body, both the giver and the receiver. Undress in front of each other and hug each other. This creates the initial closeness. Then one of you lies down on your stomach or on your back, whichever you prefer. Most people lie on their stomachs first. Perhaps because the front is seen as the chocolate side and you like to save that for last.

But the back of our body also has a lot to offer for an erotic massage. Ooooh, I wish someone would stop me from writing right now and give me a massage ... Never mind. Be lavish with the oil!

• Work your way from your neck and shoulders down to your bottom.
• If you kneel between your partner's spread legs, you can lean forward and slide your whole upper body over your partner's back.
• You can also include the legs and feet in long stroking movements.
• Gently press and knead each toe.

By the way, a really good massage of the toes can lead to orgasm. I speak from experience. I can't concentrate, but I have to keep writing ...

When you reach your bottom, squeeze and knead your buttocks extensively. And now anything is possible. You can either let your fingers slide down into the crack - or you can turn your partner around and delay the whole thing a little longer. In the second case, you can start at the shoulders again and work your way up to the middle of the body via the arms and legs. Again, you can glide your entire upper body over your partner.

From massage to lovemaking

Whether from behind or from the front, massaging the genitals is the absolute highlight of any erotic massage. You can drive your loved one crazy with it:

• Gently spread your legs apart.
• With your partner, you can move from the outer to the inner labia and then with slow movements towards the clitoris and vaginal entrance.
• With your partner, gently grasp the penis and/or testicles.
• If you are more adventurous, you can also continue over the perineum to the anus and dip a finger in here.

Anything that pleases both of you is allowed. And if you can't stand it any longer, just go down on each other. Or swap roles. But maybe you'll do that next time. Because you've achieved your goal: you've made time for each other. You have made each other feel good and engaged with each other. And you've certainly awakened your desire. And, oh my God, at last, darling, there you are. Take your clothes off, I can't take it anymore!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION