But we can change that! And how? By being open and willing to learn new things. Let's take orgasms for example. The female one, because it's known to be a little more complicated. We sometimes hear that women need feelings and an incredible amount of trust to be able to let themselves go. Otherwise it won't work. But are women really that emotional? No! Women can also be really horny without the big emotional movie. And they can come for all they're worth. However, I do have one reservation: they have to learn to take the reins themselves. And I don't mean the penis ☺

Men are not responsible for women's orgasms!

No, seriously? Yes. Now take a deep breath and let that sentence sink in. Because there really is a lot of pressure on men's shoulders. They often believe that they are responsible for their partner's climax. It's not for nothing that they say "to give it to her properly". However, some women expect the same from their lover and think that they don't really have to do anything else. After all, he should know that himself.

But where from? Wrong attitude. So speak up. What exactly do you want? Do you dare to talk about your wishes and needs? By doing so, you are taking responsibility for your own pleasure:

- Do you need longer foreplay? Then go ahead! Say that you're not ready yet or that you're really enjoying what you're both doing.
- You don't really like lying down? Then turn around or swing yourself up! This is the safest position for a climax anyway.

The clitoris is in charge of the female orgasm. Many women therefore need more or less direct stimulation in order to climax. You should always remember this - women and men alike. And if you are sitting up in the riding position, you can tilt your pelvis back and forth so that you rub your clitoris against his pubic bone. You can also tense and relax your pelvic floor muscles.

Feel, fantasize, touch

1. try something out: Sit upright on a chair. Then roll back and forth on your sitting bones so that your vulva is in contact with the seat. Can you feel anything yet? You can do exactly the same during sex. In any position, by the way. Move around and use your own sexual energy!

2 What arouses you? Don't just leave it to your partner to get you hot. Our imagination is a powerful engine when it comes to arousal. What scenes are playing out in your head? And what else can you imagine? There are no taboos here. And it's not forbidden to let this mental movie run while you're having fun with your lover.

3. are there any touches that particularly turn you on? Does your lover know about them? Arousal is so important. Sometimes we just get started and hope that it will come on its own. That can also be a good thing. The important thing is whether this is the case for you.

If you just want closeness, that's fine. But if you want to experience a climax, then you should be really hot. Because only when women are aroused does blood flow into their vagina. It's like the penis. The outer and inner lips become thicker, change color and become darker. The vaginal entrance also swells and becomes tighter. And it becomes moist. And only then does touching become really pleasurable.

Inhabit your vagina

Many women are very reserved when it comes to their own sex. They often don't really know their vagina at all. Unlike men, who see their penis from an early age and hold it in their hands, women's sex is hidden. And not just physically. Due to an upbringing that does not promote pleasure, they sometimes even have very strong inhibitions about approaching this part of their body. That is a shame. Men are proud of their erect penis, while women tend to be ashamed of their swollen sex. But if we don't really welcome something, it's difficult to develop pleasurable feelings here.

And so I have two requests for you:

1. my request to the male world is therefore to show and tell their loved one how beautiful their vulva and vagina are and that they should be proud of this wonderful pleasure center.
2 And what is my request to women? Explore yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror, explore yourself, find out which touches are particularly pleasurable. Dare to delve deeper. Can you find your G-spot? Your cervix? Get to know yourself and don't relinquish responsibility!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION