They lie next to each other in bed, happy and exhausted. He, in particular, is so infinitely relieved. At last it has worked again. His penis is finally hard enough for him to penetrate her again and make love to her in the way he has missed for far too long. He has understood that she can feel his love in other ways. Nevertheless, he felt insecure in his masculinity. For some time now, his erections have simply not been as pronounced as they used to be. And everything was taking a little longer these days. Finally, he plucked up all his courage and asked his doctor. " At sixty," he said, "it's just not like it was at twenty-five. That's the way of things." And instead of medication or surgery, he recommended a simple erection pump to help him.

When the letter carrier brought the longed-for package, he was quite excited. Could this be the solution to his problems? The urologist had recommended that he practise first before going for the real thing. He had also said that it would be good to get things going again, as regular erections counteract the breakdown of the erectile tissue. And so he put the cylinder with the rubber ring over his still flaccid penis. As he operated the pump, he felt a vacuum forming in the cylinder and the blood flowing into his penis. He pumped very carefully, as the doctor had recommended. Otherwise there would be a risk of blood vessels bursting.

Slowly the penis erected. What a sight! What a feeling! When the erection was sufficient, he pulled off the cylinder. A penis ring ensured that the blood could not flow back in immediately. After successfully practising this procedure on his own several times, he felt confident enough for the big surprise. And lo and behold, he finally had the desired steadfastness again when making love to his sweetheart! What a boost for his emotional and love life!

Not every erection problem is a disorder

A penis pump is therefore less of a sex toy and more of a therapeutic aid for men with erection problems. And more men are affected than you might think. Almost every second man between the ages of 40 and 70 suffers from it temporarily or permanently. However, we only speak of a real disorder when the erection does not become hard enough in the vast majority of attempts or does not last long enough to enable a satisfying love life. This raises the question of who experiences what as a "satisfying" love life. For some, a world collapses and others simply find other ways to make love.

If the penis just doesn't want to do what it's supposed to from time to time, that's completely normal and nothing to worry about. "Keep calm", I say. However, the fear that this could happen again next time can trigger a vicious circle and lead to an actual disorder.

What is behind erectile dysfunction?

The causes are varied and cannot always be clearly separated:

• Psychological causes such as fear of failure, stress, depression or too much pressure in the relationship
• Diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, arteriosclerosis
• Excessive cigarette, alcohol and drug consumption
• operations
• The side effects of some medications

Once the problem is there, the pressure increases and the downward spiral begins. What can help? A visit to the doctor to clarify the organic causes and a visit to a sex therapist to get to the bottom of the psychological causes. And, of course, a change in lifestyle towards a healthy diet and exercise. All of this together is the ideal solution.

Age takes its toll

However, an erection problem does not always have an organic or psychological cause or arise from a relationship conflict. Sometimes it is simply age. In many respects, this is accepted as an explanation for limitations. For example, nobody thinks it is surprising if an older man no longer performs at an Olympic level in sport. But when it comes to sex, everything should still be the same as it was when he was twenty-five. But that's not how it works. And that's not a bad thing, it's just part of life. We have to accept it and learn to deal with it. That's why I chose a slightly older man for this story. Because, like so many things in life, sexuality is also subject to change. And a penis pump can work wonders here in a very uncomplicated way.

Using a penis pump is very simple

From a sexual medicine perspective, penis pumps are one of the non-drug treatment options for erectile dysfunction and are extremely easy to use. Put it over the penis, carefully pump the air out of the cylinder and remove it. As always, the same applies here: Practice makes perfect! A penis pump can be used as often as the lover wants. If he shaves his genital area, the cylinder can fit tighter and is therefore even better sealed. This also makes the penis look bigger.

In order to maintain an erection for as long as possible, we recommend the additional use of a penis ring, as described above. This is pulled over the penis and, if necessary, over the scrotum before the penis pump and prevents the blood from flowing back out of the erectile tissue after the penis pump is removed. And you're ready to go! A time limit should be observed: If the penis ring is worn for longer than half an hour, vascular damage can occur.

Incorporate the penis pump into your lovemaking

Erection problems are a sensitive issue, even if they are relatively common. If you can talk about it as a couple, take the initiative and encourage your partner to use a penis pump. You can choose the right product together. This way, you are both involved in the process and lower the inhibition and shame threshold at the same time. Your partner should start the first few attempts alone. But as soon as he feels confident, you can incorporate the penis pump into your love life. Of course, using it before or in the middle of lovemaking will provide an interruption. Think of this as a team effort that you master together. Don't see the penis pump as a mechanical aid, but as a link between you. This will make it easier for you to deal with the situation in a humorous way. Simply give the pump a name! Make up a story to go with the name. Involve the pump in a playful way. I'm sure that you'll soon find a pleasurable way of looking at it.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION