That's completely normal. It really is. And it's part of our right to sexual self-determination to express this. But sometimes it's not that easy in a relationship. A very old synonym for "no desire" is the much-cited migraine. But we're much more creative these days, aren't we? That's why I have five wonderful excuses for when you just don't feel like it. Sometimes we just have to take life with a sense of humor. And laughing together is definitely better than withdrawing in a huff. :-)

• He wants to save his sperm for her

Men don't always feel like it, even though the opposite is often said. But if he says "Honey, not today. Can't we do something else?", we women are very quick to take it personally. We immediately feel inferior, fear that he no longer finds us attractive and that life is being terrible to us at the moment. Before it comes to relationship drama, just say you want to save your sperm for the next really great time. Because the longer you wait, the more will come out. Well, at least a little. That buys you at least three days ;-)

• Sex is not good for fresh food

There have always been the most incredible myths about female menstruation. Why not play with them and apply them to sex?

• You want to cook together later. But having sex before cleaning the vegetables makes them wither instantly.
• Even minced meat can't stand the smell of fresh sex and goes bad.
• Stiff whipped cream with cake or strawberries? No chance with sex one, two or three days before or after.
• Unfortunately, you can't preserve the beautiful fruit from the garden after making love either. "Are you really going to give up your beloved homemade redcurrant jelly?"

• You had wonderful sex in a dream last night

Many people can remember their dreams. And many people have erotic dreams. The feelings from these dreams can stay with us all day long and sometimes even wake us up when we fall asleep. Rhapsodize to him or her about how wonderful the last dream with him or her was. A hot lovemaking session on the beach under coconut palms, in a tippi lined with bearskins, an incredibly intense orgasm. You want to savor these feelings a little more. Who wouldn't feel flattered? :-)

• You've used up the last of your energy for him/her doing sports

Your loved one wants you to have washboard abs? Your loved one is happy about your firm bottom? Of course, that's why you go to the gym. We'll do (almost) anything for love. But sport can be really exhausting. If we completely exhaust ourselves while thinking of nothing else but our loved one, nothing else but making him or her happy, this will be met with the greatest understanding. Then the other person will even thank you for the rejection.

• We simply can't compete with the power of female hormones

No one can deny that we women are subject to a cycle. And hormones play an important role in this cycle. So you can argue that you

• need some time for yourself in the first (bleeding) week.
• are most fertile in the second week and would rather play it safe.
• your libido is naturally a little lower in the third week.
• in the fourth week, you are so emotionally distraught that you need emotional support.

Are you taking hormonal contraceptives? Never mind, just use the phases of the moon as an explanation. Or the position of the sun. Ebb and flow?

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION

Date: 15.07.2020