The writer Franz Kafka once said: "Love is a smooth-running vehicle. What causes problems are the drivers, the steering and the road." So the idea of comparing relationships to cars is nothing new. More and more psychologists and couples counselors are even recommending that partnerships should be put to the test just as regularly as vehicles. It seems logical to us that the latter should be maintained and serviced before problems arise - but a regular love MOT? What for?
When couples come to me, a lot of negative things have often already happened
explains couple and conflict counselor Albert Wunsch. Which makes it difficult to find simple solutions.
With the relationship MOT that he has developed, the expert therefore wants to start earlier, "so that it doesn't come to a relationship crash at some point". With six simple questions (see right), he encourages couples to communicate openly with each other and take a close look at their love. In Albert Wunsch's experience, men in particular find it easier to recognize problems in their relationship if they can fall back on images from the world of cars.
Take the example of living apart: He comes home from work every evening exhausted and just wants his peace and quiet, she is on full blast and needs action. The image of a car fits in with this: pressing the accelerator and brake pedal at the same time? Difficult! The most important prerequisite for "passing" the inspection is a serious commitment to each other. And the awareness that both partners are responsible for creating a lasting and fulfilling relationship. This is only possible with an honest exchange and careful care of the "individual parts". The reward? An intense, deep and happy love that stays on course at all times, overcomes obstacles and doesn't let itself be led astray. That should be worth the effort, right? By the way: If you want, you can issue yourself with a small badge after the MOT. Ideally with a date indicating when the next check is due.
On the test bench ...
How stable is your chassis?
This is about the basis, the foundation of every relationship. What is the mainstay? What holds you together as a couple, what fundamental values and principles? Do you find enough points here that are so strong and weld you together so much that disagreements in other areas don't shake you any further? Then your chassis will certainly continue to carry you reliably towards a happy partnership.
What does it look like under the hood?
Is it just the surface that shines so beautifully? A relationship that looks perfect on the outside, but has its "dark" sides on the inside? If couples ignore critical issues, this will eventually take its toll. As a result, too much that has been left unsaid and repressed builds up. Until a breakdown occurs on the open road, which suddenly hits the couple all the harder. So it's better to look behind the facade in good time.
Who's at the wheel?
Are you on autopilot and blindly following the crowd? Or do you regularly check the route? Does one of you take the wheel and want to call the shots? Or do you decide together where you want to go as a couple? These are all important questions to find out whether you are really striving for the same goal and taking joint responsibility to ensure that it is achieved in the end.
Is there enough gas in the tank?
Falling in love for the first time is wonderful. Butterflies everywhere, we are full of energy, nothing can slow us down. But at some point there will also be tricky phases, small crises that have to be overcome, both professionally and privately. Will there still be enough fuel left to ensure that the relationship is not weakened as a result? Do you have a reserve somewhere that you can pull out in an emergency? This will make the journey much more relaxed.
Is the ignition still working?
Does it still crackle? Is there a real spark between you? Even after a long-term relationship? Do you enjoy your sex life? Can you still surprise each other and get going? Or is your everyday love life characterized by mere routine? If so, it's time to recapture the magic of the early days and add some pep. Often all it takes is a little twist. Like our suggestions further down the page.
Which parts can run hot?
What are the sticking points in your relationship? What things do you have different views on and what annoys you about your partner from time to time? Once all of this has been openly discussed and recognized, it will be much easier to cool down quickly if things start to "heat up". So that you can reach your destination safely and without mishaps - as a loving couple.