Yes, but what do men like?
- High heels in bed? Not really. I once knew a guy who was into sneakers.
- Hot lingerie that reveals more than it covers? No. Many men also like it naturally naked. Or they like Schiesser.
- I know men who would fall over laughing if their sweetheart suddenly performed a striptease.
These preferences may certainly apply to some men, but by no means to all of them. And ultimately, that's not really the point. Because what makes sex so incredible is not the accessories or the show interludes. Rather, it's the connection between the people doing it together. With or without encores. And creating this connection is not that difficult.
1. authenticity - be yourself
So, what do men really want in bed? They want a woman not to pretend. They want authenticity. The best striptease and the most beautiful lingerie have little effect if we are just putting on a show. If we try to look sexy and turn her on without having any pleasure ourselves. But men want a woman who has fun herself.
And when do we have fun?
- When we see that we are arousing our partner.
- When we feel fired up by his looks.
- When we feel desired.
- When we feel safe.
Then we can let ourselves go and not think about whether this or that looks good. Then we can laugh and have fun.
Of course, this assumes that he's not lounging around with a bottle of beer or touching us in an uninvolved way. He should be actively involved. His looks, his gestures, his words count. His desire. So a togetherness. A mutual encouragement. And not a program that is played out on a screen and only consumed.
2. be open to his sexual desires
Men like it when we accept them and their unique sexual desires. Every man has his preferences. Some we show and others we prefer to hide. The more we hide at the beginning of a relationship, the more difficult it becomes to show ourselves later on.
In relationships, we often develop a kind of standard program that we both like, but which sometimes leaves no room for freedom. This is the lowest common denominator. We then no longer want to say that we like something else much better, because we don't want to hurt our partner.
On the other hand, we are afraid of what might be lurking in the other person. We would rather not wake sleeping dogs. Yet this is exactly what keeps sex alive. Tension, excitement, palpitations, uncertainty, a small dose of fear.
- We also show a part of ourselves when we respond to our partner's wishes.
- We show him that we accept him as he is.
- We take away their fear of not standing up to us.
This in turn presupposes that our partner behaves in the same way and also pays attention to our wishes. Because it's not just about the other person. It's also about us.
If we can't bring ourselves to do what they want, then of course we shouldn't do it either. We also have every right to do so. But it will reassure him if he knows that we love him anyway. If, on the other hand, we have a partner who demands his wishes by hook or by crook, then we should consider whether this is the right partner for us.
3. take what you need
Men want women who confidently stand up for their needs. They want women who can take what they need. They don't want to be the "provider" in the long term. And they certainly don't want to be left in the dark. There are women who expect their lover to know about their own lust. They lie down and wait for him to do something to bring them to climax. And they are disappointed when he doesn't manage it.
This attitude only puts unnecessary pressure on both of them. It's quite simple: women are just as responsible for their own pleasure as men are for theirs. We can't expect men to know what we want. A woman who knows and takes what she needs is extremely attractive. This includes coming to terms with our own bodies, talking about our desires and even going on the offensive and seducing him for sex.
Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION