When are you a mistress and why are you a mistress?
A mistress is usually in a romantic relationship with a man who is married to another woman. While in a one-night stand both are out for a quick fling without any mutual commitment, a secret long-term relationship is about real feelings. It is not unusual for such relationships to last for years.
Even if a man can take on the role of lover, the woman is usually the lover. While both sexes are equally willing to engage in infidelity for the sake of an exciting love life, women are much more inclined to stand in the shadow of a wife. Men, on the other hand, are rarely willing to enter into a relationship that they consider hopeless. This was the result of a study by Walter Hoffman, which was published in the guidebook "Shadow Love" by Gerti Senger.
Read also>>>Shadow relationship: "My husband leads a double life"
But why do women in particular end up in the position of mistress? Studies have shown that women unconsciously find men in relationships more attractive. The reason could be, for example, that married men appear more capable in relationships. In addition, some women like to fight for a man and compete with another woman. Age also plays a role: men and women are more willing to have an affair if they have been in a relationship for several years.
Problems you have as a lover
It is highly unlikely that anyone takes on the role of mistress on purpose. As a rule, such relationships develop when a man dares to have a fling and cheats - which then turns into a long-term relationship. Maybe you are aware that you are or have been involved with a married man, but maybe not. Whether the man should reveal his relationship cards after the first night together is a matter of opinion and depends on the situation. However, if the meetings become more frequent, he should inform you that he is taken. Anything else would be insincere. After all, as a woman, you want to be able to decide whether you want to have a relationship with a married man or not. If so, then you immediately have the status of lover.
Even if this kind of shadow love may have a certain appeal at the beginning, the question arises about the future - and this is where things get complicated. Surveys show that men are very rarely willing to give up a marriage for a lover. But this is often exactly what women hope for! And so they put up with only playing the second role in the man's life - always hoping that he will change his mind.
But maybe you don't even know exactly what position you have in the man's life. This can also be stressful. The following signs indicate that the affair does not currently intend to confess and have a public relationship:
- You are not allowed to call him at home.
- He doesn't want to be seen with you in certain places.
- He gives questionable excuses for canceled dates.
- He is active on singles portals.
If you want to have a married man all to yourself, you find yourself in a moral dilemma. Because this is only possible if he separates from his wife and any children. The discussions leading up to the decision are difficult and a great burden for everyone.
What you can do as a lover
The best way to behave in the role of lover depends on a number of circumstances. Do you even want to have a conventional and public relationship with the man or is the attraction precisely in the secret relationship? You have to be honest with yourself about this question. If you like secrecy, it makes no sense to put pressure on the man. If you prefer a conventional relationship, you need to find out how serious the man is about you. The best way to do this is to ask him directly and let your gut instinct decide whether the answer is credible.
If he's not serious, it's not worth going to the trouble of making the relationship public. All you'll achieve by doing this is that his marriage will most likely break up. That doesn't make you any happier. If he's serious but doesn't want to make it public, there's probably one main reason: the idea scares him. This step is not easy, he loses his "safe" marriage and causes a lot of emotions on both sides.
A boundary must be drawn here: You can give him time until when he should tell his wife about the existing relationship. In extreme cases, you can threaten to do it yourself. However, this is a last resort and an absolutely unpleasant situation. You have to bear in mind that if you carry out the threat, he may turn against you and your offensive maneuver after all. You should be aware of this: If he doesn't tell his wife, for whatever reason, then he has long since decided against you.