1 Why do men watch porn?

The question arises as to why our men watch adult entertainment films at all. Is his sex life together really not enough for him? What solution can we find together? We should always remember that we are often the ones who decide what happens during sex, when it happens and, above all, whether it happens at all. Many men feel at the mercy of this and prefer to go straight for the porn actresses who are always available. But maybe there's nothing wrong with our love life.

And maybe our partner just watches things that inspire his fantasies without having any desire to put them into practice. Can't imagine that? Well then think of Shades of Grey. Millions of women have read the books and millions of men have wondered whether they should now go hard on their partners. But we know very well that a one-to-one translation of the novel into our bedroom is not what we really want.

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2. porn in relationships: Why it's so hard to get reliable numbers

Why are there no exact figures? Nobody likes to admit that they watch these films or images. Women even less than men. Because despite its enormous popularity, porn is still a taboo. Nobody really likes to talk about it openly. Or have you ever started small talk at a party with "Have you seen the latest porn with blablabla?"? Or do you cheerfully tell people at a games evening that you sat in front of the computer for two hours last night? Speaking of computers: whereas in the past, VHS tapes from the video store were furtively watched on the TV, nowadays this is done quite easily on the computer. So if a couple isn't getting turned on by a movie together, the partner is more likely to sit alone in a quiet little room and secretly click through what's on offer.

3. sex films: Is porn in competition with your partner?

Anyone who is unexpectedly confronted with their partner's porn consumption quickly feels betrayed or even humiliated.

• After all, we women want to be the sole protagonists in our partner's fantasies.
• We want him to be happy and satisfied with what we offer him.

We can perhaps still come to terms with Nicole Kidman or Rihanna, after all, this sex only really takes place in his head. However, if we catch our partner browsing porn sites that we haven't deleted from our browser history or even looking at things that we either don't feel like doing ourselves or that we wouldn't even think existed, then the shit hits the fan. THAT turns him on? Why is he watching this? Am I not enough for him? Is he a pervert?

Tip: Watch erotic movies together with your partner, because that's how you get in the mood together. We present 3 movies that will turn you both on and make for a promising evening:

>> In the Realm of the Nymphs
>> Five Senses of Eros
>> Desire - A woman's desires

4. men don't want to be caught watching porn

And anyone who gets caught is probably ashamed at first. If we then simultaneously shower our partner with accusations and make him feel guilty, the situation can quickly escalate. And yes, that's when sex tapes damage the relationship. That's why it's important to calm down and think first. And then seek a conversation. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be outraged. But we should still take responsibility for ourselves. We can talk to our partner about what turns them on about porn and what hurts us so much about it.

5 Desire and being desired is great

Above all, we want to be desired. And that goes for both men and women. The man in porn sees himself as the conqueror who gains access to the female body and whom no woman can resist. He is all-powerful and incredibly potent. In the novels, on the other hand, we women are the conquered, where the men can't stop themselves from being so horny. We are so attractive and desirable that we even have to be taken by force. Both are great in fantasy. But a fantasy is a fantasy is a fantasy.

Conclusion: Does porn harm a relationship or not?

So does porn damage a relationship? Maybe it does. But it can also not. It just depends:

• If a relationship is already on the rocks, the partner is just sitting in front of the screen and there is no longer a shared love life, things look bad. But then it would be time to change something about our relationship anyway.
• If real needs cannot be satisfied because they are not expressed or if we refuse to satisfy them because we can't do anything with our desires, then porn is a readily available substitute. Which doesn't necessarily mean that our partner is happy with it. But do we then at least allow them erotic privacy?
• Or do we have an equal relationship in which we both feel respected? And do we talk about our desires and fantasies? Then we can see what can be realized. Perhaps we watch porn together to get aroused or to get ideas? Then porn can also be an inspiration.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION

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