How are women who are dissatisfied with their bodies supposed to enjoy sex?

Overall, women are not just a little dissatisfied, they are actually really unhappy with it. According to a British study, no less than 90 percent of all women between forty and fifty are so unhappy that they are afraid to look in the mirror. But how is a woman who is so unhappy with her body supposed to enjoy sex? Because while on the one hand we propagate how good sex is for us and how important it is for love, on the other hand we spread ideals of beauty that most women don't conform to and which only put them under pressure. And which also take away their desire and self-confidence. That doesn't go together. Incidentally, Silvana Denker herself does not conform to the common ideal of beauty at all, because she is a plus-size model. And she is a photographer. She uses her fame to campaign for a more realistic image of women. To this end, she now photographs women and men of all shapes and sizes in underwear all over the world.

The danger of the media

Let's be honest, if everyone looked the same, how boring would that be? Even if they all looked like the people in glossy magazines. After all, there are many men who would rather have something in their hands. Otherwise there would probably be no reality porn with normal women. I've been told that they're very popular at the moment. And by the way, there are just as many men who don't conform to the beauty ideal of the athletically built body. Which is a good thing, because not all women are into that either. Diversity then. And not just in sexual terms. And it's not just about who likes whom, I know.

It's more about how we feel. But all this media madness, from Germany's Next Top Model to the naked people on the island, only ever shows us the seemingly perfect people. At least on the outside. And then we feel bad if we don't look like that too. So cheers to all the women who are increasingly showing themselves as they are in public. With their curves and wrinkles.

Physical flaws are part of our personal history

But it's not even just about that. There is also the dreaded cellulite, cup sizes that are too big or too small or postnatal pregnancy bellies. I find these bellies particularly unfortunate. After all, a new life grows inside an expectant mother for nine months. But instead of being proud of it and looking at the marks that the belly leaves behind with dignity even after the birth, they are ashamed of it. Of course, the media also play a big part in this. Because here, too, photos are only taken when there is nothing to see after the birth. And there may be women like that. But what normal mother has the time and leisure to take care of her figure with a newborn?

New Zealand blogger Julie Bhosale wanted to set an example and posted pictures of her pregnant belly directly and 14 weeks after the birth of her baby. She wanted to convey hope and I think she succeeded. She is not the only one who has published her belly. Others have followed suit. We can only hope that a change in thinking and, above all, understanding will take place in the long term.

More than just "looks"

Ok, let's be honest: I'm the way I am too. And according to the generally accepted ideal of beauty, I really do have a few kilos too many on my hips. I could certainly tackle that one day. But I like eating far too much. I'm also too lazy and usually far too hungry. If I said that the extra weight didn't bother me at all, that would be a lie. After all, I no longer fit into my favorite coat. Grrr. That annoys me. Should I feel bad now? No, thank you. Life is about more than perfect body measurements. And then someone recently told me that I need to lose a few kilos if I want to be a looker.

But is that what we want to be? Eye-catchers? Wouldn't we much rather be recognized for what we achieve or what we stand for? For our humor, for our enthusiasm, for our commitment? For what really defines us? For what gives us true greatness? External beauty is fleeting. And what do we want to build on when it fades? Or if we don't have it in the first place? We are not worth less then. But it is precisely this way of thinking that hinders women in particular in their development. That's why I think it's great that more and more women are going public and admitting their supposed shortcomings. THAT shows courage and inner strength! In my opinion.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION