It was like a slap in the face. Roland packed his things and left. To someone else, who he said he was happier with. I was completely devastated. It hurt to be left. Especially what was to come next: Dating sites over 40 or a singles vacation?
"I wanted to grow old with him and accepted him as he is"
But I also realized that I had talked myself out of many of his quirks over the years in order to put up with them. To be able to put up with him. I could have left him at one time or another. But I didn't. On the one hand, because I thought: We've actually come to a good arrangement. And secondly, because I couldn't imagine being able to get used to someone new again. Well, and now I was standing there alone, single and over 40, looking into a future that no longer had any contours. It suddenly seemed very shapeless and blurry. And when I thought 'Shit, I don't want to grow old alone', my heart stopped beating regularly.
Everything back to square one
Today, after a year, I'm more or less back to normal. I now live in a small apartment that was advertised as 'ideal for singles'. I have both feet on the ground, have a job in the advertising industry that I really enjoy. But the evenings? Are often a horror. My girlfriends are all in committed relationships. They want something different from me when they go out in the evening: just a bit of variety. I, on the other hand, look around for men. But so far, I haven't found any. I didn't used to have any problems meeting men. But I was in my 20s then. Sometimes I ask myself whether I'm perhaps not ready yet, but then a voice tells me:
"How much longer do you want to wait? You're not the youngest anymore."
And there's one thing I definitely don't want: to grow old alone. No, I want to have someone by my side with whom I can share my ageing, with whom I can do things and with whom I can look forward to retirement. At 75, I want to sit on a garden bench with my loved one and enjoy the sun. I want to be able to communicate and share someone else's worries. Is that perhaps too old-fashioned? Does that even exist in today's fast-paced world? Or has it become normal to simply end relationships when things aren't going well because we have so many more options these days? And what kind of men are on the market anyway? Dumped, leftovers, those with huge quirks who move from one woman to the next? I have quirks myself, which - the older I get - become more and more pronounced. Do I have to make a thousand compromises again to find someone? Can I still do that? Even though I have both feet on the ground, I haven't yet jumped on the dating platforms or dating sites for people over 40. I just don't like presenting myself like that. But there's probably no way around it. I've even thought about going on a singles vacation. Because my fear that I won't find anyone outweighs this. My friends keep reassuring me that someone is guaranteed to come along. But these sayings seem pretty hollow. I've now met a woman I get on really well with while doing sport. She was in a similar situation and said something the other night that made me think, or rather rethink.
"You don't have to adapt, but present your strengths"
She said I should make an inventory of everything I have and maybe create a future for myself. 'If you want to share something, you should know what you're throwing into the pot yourself. I confess, I've only ever thought about having to adapt myself. I have now written my list. To be honest, it doesn't read too badly. And I've also created a bucket list, i.e. a list of things I really want to have or do in my life. One of them so far is to have a garden. Since then, I've taken a more positive view of the future. It has taken shape again. I'm dreaming again. And I'm excited to see who else is coming - or rather: what."
Single life in figures:
- The average age of divorce is 42.
- Of the 45- to 55-year-old dating portal users, 83% are male.
- In the USA, on the other hand, just as many women use dating sites as men.
