We are all very different in the way we perceive our bodies and their expressions:

- There are couples who don't mind venting in front of each other. Natural venting is simply part of life there. They don't make a big fuss about it.
- Then there are couples who start a real farting contest. Who is louder? Who can go longer? They laugh about noises and smells and tease each other about it.
- But there are also couples where usually THE one blows hard, while THE other doesn't find it funny at all.
- And then there are couples who never do it in front of each other. They pinch their buttocks together and prefer to endure stomach cramps before they let off steam in the truest sense of the word.

The American family psychologist Leah DeCesare addressed this topic, among others, in one of her books on long-lasting relationships and parenthood. She says that farting is a sign of trust and security. After all, only those who trust will dare to show this side of themselves to their partner.

Is that really the case? After all, there are also people who don't care what others think and are simply who they are. Including their inner winds. And why is farting such a taboo anyway?

Farting as a taboo subject

Farting is one of those topics that people don't talk about in public. Not even among friends. Farting is frowned upon. As children, we don't care what escapes from us. On the contrary, we are relieved to finally get rid of this pressure. Just let it out and be done with it. Children are unbiased. From their point of view, it's actually fascinating what their bodies can do.

However, this is exactly what is quickly driven out of us. Depending on how our parents are feeling, there are sometimes even shocked looks. As if the child is deliberately defying the imposed etiquette. Or there are amused comments that show the child that they have just said something embarrassing. However, none of this teaches children that this process is completely natural. In many ways, children gradually learn to control their bodies.

Control stands in the way of devotion

This control then continues into adulthood. Have you ever been to yoga, Pilates, back training or a similar quiet sport? Just put your legs up, tense your abdominal muscles and you'll hear a quiet or loud "pfffff" here and there. Startled looks, oops, how embarrassing! And unfortunately, it doesn't help that others turn around and whisper "It's nothing!"

I don't know if anyone has ever researched the connection between farting and acting out sensual pleasure. And there certainly is one.

- On the one hand, we want to let ourselves go and enjoy sex.
- On the other hand, we still only want to show our best side.

So we have to control ourselves and watch ourselves very closely. That doesn't go together, does it! Wild positions without a breeze, anal sex without traces, sex during your period without blood. Well, somehow it all goes together. It's our modern life, in which excretions and secretions from all kinds of orifices have to take place in secret as far as possible.

We are moving further and further away from our naturalness

Recently, there was another challenge that I couldn't find more stupid. Women presented their clean underpants on the Internet. What nonsense! Every woman has discharge, it's completely normal. We suffer from an obsession with cleanliness, both internally and externally. Self-optimization of the mind and body. How are we supposed to really let go?

Of course, we don't have to be like Martin Luther. He coined the well-known saying: "Why don't you burp and fart, didn't you like it?" There are events where guests are allowed to eat with their hands, throw the leftovers behind them and burp, in keeping with medieval customs. Farting? I don't know, to be honest. These events are very popular. Just leave everything behind and get stuck in. Enjoy and feel the food with all your senses.

What the Middle Ages have to do with our lust today

Did you know that in the Middle Ages, people sat side by side on long benches and talked to each other while pooping? Men walked around the streets carrying buckets under long, wide cloaks. Those who needed to relieve themselves could simply squat on one of these buckets and defecate under the protection of their coats. It wasn't embarrassing, nor were the smells disgusting.

That only came later with the advent of so-called cultivation. We invented knives and forks, individual toilets and from then on we locked the bedroom door. This also made farting a taboo in our society. If you want to behave well, keep your back straight, don't fart in your teeth in public or let the wind blow freely.

Don't let anyone tell you what is right and what is wrong

A natural approach to the body would be desirable. Farts should not embarrass us. They are part of our lives and can surprise us with their presence in undesirable situations.

However, when I look at the educational and cultural factor, I don't believe that farting is necessarily a sign of trust in a relationship. There are people who have a wonderful partnership and still maintain their self-proclaimed dignity in this respect. People who have strongly internalized this prohibition, who adhere to etiquette in every life situation, no matter how intimate.

This raises the question of what else is being held back. What about feelings and emotions, what about ecstasy and lust? Inner compulsions are at work here rather than outward signs of trust. I have heard of a very old couple who have deliberately been on friendly terms all their lives. In their opinion, people who are on first name terms argue less and perhaps cross boundaries less. I don't think they let their winds blow in front of each other. And yet they had a very intimate relationship for decades.

If you don't like farting in front of your partner, you shouldn't force yourself to do so. On the other hand, those who don't care at all and are happy about their farts can be considerate if their partner doesn't like it at all.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION