- Is that even possible?
- How long do we need for this training?
- Doesn't it rather increase frustration if it still doesn't work?
And if it really is possible, it could be interpreted as meaning that women who don't have a vaginal orgasm haven't trained enough. After all, it seems to be so easy.
But why is vaginal orgasm actually so important to us? There are other ways for women to climax and have fun during sex. And without any pressure or penetration.
Different explanations for one problem
There are many different explanations for the lack of vaginal orgasm:
- Some talk about blockages in the head and an uninhabited vagina. This is understandable if we look at the body image girls grow up with: the vagina, i.e. the inside of the vagina, receives little to no attention. Only when we start bleeding do we realize that there is more between our legs than just lips and clitoris. By ignoring this part of the body, the pressure receptors are also unable to develop properly.
Oliver Sacks, the great neurologist and bestselling author who died in 2016, has shown how quickly our brain forgets body parts. If we have no feeling in them, we no longer perceive them. Sacks described his own experience of this very vividly in the book "The Day My Leg Gone". - Others blame the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal entrance. This is also understandable, as the clitoris remains almost untouched in many positions. However, the scissor position, in which the legs of the mostly female participants push against each other in such a way that the clitoris is rubbed, is notorious. This is an excellent way for a woman to come. But that's not a vaginal orgasm, so it doesn't count.
Marie Bonaparte, a psychoanalyst and somehow related to Napoleon, was probably the first to dedicate herself to this distance between the clitoris and vagina at the beginning of the 20th century. Today, Marie would perhaps be described as asexual, but back then she was considered frigid. She also considered this particular distance to be the cause of listlessness. So she definitely had personal reasons for her research. Ultimately, she recommended surgically shortening the distance between the clitoris and vagina.
Is the G-spot the inner part of the clitoris?
Somehow it's all connected. The lack of knowledge about one's own body, the internalized ban on feeling pleasure and the location of the most sensitive areas. The gynaecologist and sex therapist Dr. Johann Sievers, who now believes that women can train the vaginal orgasm, simply relocates the inner part of the clitoris to where everyone else assumes the G-spot to be. I have already mentioned elsewhere that the G-spot is controversial in sexology.
Nobody really knows what's going on there. Paraurethral glands reminiscent of the male prostate? Or the extensions of the extensive inner part of the clitoris? In the end, we don't know. Amazing, isn't it? We've discovered gravitational waves, but we still don't know how the female orgasm works. Oh well. Back to the G-spot. And yes, I know it's not a point but a whole area. But in my eyes that's just a bit of a mouthful. In any case, not every woman is receptive to pleasurable feelings here.
Targeted touching awakens spirits
And although Sievers says that the clitoris and G-spot are one unit, he still makes a distinction between clitoral and vaginal. Too bad. He advises women to specifically stimulate this inner part of the clitoris. According to Oliver Sacks, this would bring a previously inanimate part of the body to life. It makes us aware of it in the first place, so to speak, and the pressure receptors are activated.
So in this respect, it's a good idea. And only those who know what is good can communicate this to their partner. That's nothing new. When masturbating, women should involve the G-spot, whether with their hand, a dildo or vibrator. However, many women first have to lose their fear of their own vagina. Whether this practice is then crowned with success, however, is another matter. Unfortunately.
If we change our perspective, the supposed problem disappears
The real problem is the question of why we make such a fuss about vaginal orgasms in the first place. After all, the term vaginal primarily refers to the type of stimulation. It's not about a woman coming at all. It's about the fact that she comes specifically when something is inserted into her vagina, preferably a penis. Very few women cry their eyes out because they don't orgasm when they masturbate with a finger or dildo inside their body. After all, there are still many other very popular methods. Of course, the whole problem revolves around sexual intercourse. It's all about being able to come during the union of penis and vagina. The vaginal orgasm is therefore a distinctly heterosexual problem. Homosexual couples do not struggle with it.
The vaginal orgasm is not the measure of all things
So women should come where men enjoy it the most. That would also be the easiest. This male-oriented expectation comes from outside. Penetration leads to procreation. It seems to be the purpose of the whole thing, so it must also provide the greatest possible pleasure. But that's not the case. And male pleasure is not the benchmark for female pleasure. There is still so much to discover beyond penetration. We should finally leave this deficient view of female sexuality behind us.
I find it downright dangerous when scientists like Stuart Brody from the University of the West of Scotland still claim today that the vaginal orgasm is the best. Women who have it "are psychologically more mature and healthier". This implies that there is something wrong with all women who don't have it. But that's not true! Women are simply different. And they come too. Just differently. ... So have fun! ☺
Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION
Sources: brigitte.de & http://www.fem.com/private/vaginal-oder-klitoral-hueftschwung-verraet-orgasmusfaehigkeit-1014.html