Since the 1960s, this has been an increasingly popular part of sexual activity in the western hemisphere. Swinging can be done alone, as a couple, privately at a party or in a club. It's about non-committal, informal sex with people who see it the same way. In a separate room or as an orgy. Whatever you like is allowed ... But there are also rules for visitors regarding etiquette in a swingers club!

Guests in a swingers club - who do you meet in a swingers club?

The guests in a swingers club probably couldn't be more different. They all have very different preferences when it comes to sex. What they all have in common, however, is the desire to swap partners. Some guests in the club mainly want to watch other couples having sex, some enjoy being watched themselves and some visitors prefer group sex first and foremost. You can meet pretty much anyone in a swingers club. Some guests you may only know in passing, but some you may know well. You will only find complete anonymity at themed parties that require you to wear a mask, for example. You should therefore always approach other guests openly and, above all, without prejudice. A little conversation with the other visitors is often enough to set the scene for an exciting evening on the club's playground.

These rules apply to visitors in a swingers club

1. everything can, nothing must

In a swingers club, the motto is: "Everything can, nothing must". This actually means that you can do whatever you want to do in the club and whatever you feel like doing, but you don't have to do anything that other couples want to do if you don't like it. It's a wonderful set of rules for all guests, for the women as well as the men. But I think the point is understandable. So if someone comes along who we don't like or touches us in a way that we don't like or doesn't turn us on, then we are allowed to say so. If we don't want someone to watch or show themselves, we can do the same. Walk away, look away, push away or even say something. Of course, this wish should be expressed as tactfully as possible. "Go away" would not be one of them. The other person must accept the rejection without hesitation. And so do we, of course, if we are rejected by a gentleman or another couple on the playground.

2. clear agreements within the couple

If we go to such an establishment with our partner, we should be clear in advance about what we will and will not allow each other to do. Some people don't care who the other person is shagging and whether there is an exchange of partners that evening. But French kissing! No, that's not possible, not even in a swinger. Or the other way around. If you're not really convinced by this kind of leisure activity, you should keep your hands off it.

Jealousy between couples is also an important issue. It can make the other person interesting in our eyes when we see that he or she is also desired by others and in turn has a desire for other women. But it can also be frightening. Any other relationship problems should definitely be dealt with outside of a swingers club and not on a night out. At the end of the day, the swingers club is all about lust, a very special kind of party, the desire to swap partners or have sex with other couples. No matter how long we talk about it before and after. And we have to talk to each other about how we value sex.

3. if you want to have sex, you have to be clean

If you want to have fun in a swingers club, you should make sure you keep yourself spotlessly clean. Just because you don't get intimate with your own partner - or precisely because of this - there are no excuses for those who don't like water.

- Whether or not you have intimate hair is a matter of taste. But if you smell unpleasant under your existing or non-existent hair, don't be surprised if your success rate in the club plummets.
- Showers, towels and bathrobes may be used if available in the club and provided by the establishment.
- If you want to kiss, you should also make sure your breath is fresh, no matter which lips are involved. Peppermint drops fit into even the smallest bathrobe pocket.
- We probably don't need to talk about plaque on the teeth or shoe-sole-like calluses on the feet here.
- And short fingernails are mandatory anyway when dipping into any body cavity.

4. safe sex is mandatory

Safer sex is very important in this context. Condoms should therefore be available free of charge in every swingers club. It's not just about HIV, syphilis or hepatitis B. Other sexually transmitted infections such as HP viruses or chlamydia are not only transmitted through sexual intercourse, but also through oral sex or sharing sex toys. If possible, lickable tissues should therefore also be used in swingers clubs or sex toys should be covered with a condom. Thorough cleaning in between is also possible, but a little inconvenient. And please don't forget this in the club and when swapping partners: What was once in an anus must not come into direct contact with the vagina afterwards! More information here - "Safer sex: the most important facts at a glance".

5. observe the dress code

There is usually a dress code for women and men in every swingers club. If you like to wear a suit or evening dress, you can do so uninhibitedly right up to the checkroom. From there, the rule is: you can continue into the club naked, in lingerie, a bathrobe or the prescribed erotic clothing. Staying on the outside and just wanting to watch the others as an onlooker is therefore not a good plan. Speaking of watching: In swingers clubs, watching and showing oneself are common sexual practices among couples. But it is always necessary to obtain the consent of the other guests.

6. alcohol? Food? Site plan?

Drinking courage? Not a good idea on an evening like this. Alcohol is enjoyed in moderation here. If at all. After all, everything should be appreciated with all the senses. And nobody wants to let a drunk visitor get close to them. Other drugs are also taboo in a club. The media may report on orgies and wild parties where alcohol and drugs are consumed in large quantities. Then there are also prostitutes. And then it's also about money. And that in turn has nothing to do with swinging. Swinging is voluntary and free of charge. At least the sex is. The clubs charge admission, of course. In many clubs, you are also offered a buffet by the operator. After all, you're supposed to keep your strength up on the playground. This is a very good place to make initial contacts for a partner exchange. I'll just throw in the keyword "kitchen party". As all the ladies and gentlemen are out to make contact, the effort shouldn't be too great. Food is then eaten in specially designated areas. This avoids crumbs or dropped tomato slices on the playgrounds.

And last but not least, we recommend a short tour to find out about the conditions in the swingers club. There are rooms in the club that are provided exclusively for couples and partner exchanges and play areas for all visitors together. It's important to make sure you don't get confused ;-)

If you pay attention to all these points, nothing should go wrong.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION