Of course, we don't leave our friends alone in times of need. However, we need to be careful when we help them out with money. Because what happens if it is not repaid? Or the friends use it for something completely different than expected? This is often when long-standing relationships break down - and the financial damage is not always the greatest.

Regina (52) from Duisburg: "I wanted to help. Now all my savings are gone"

"Some people will smile at the amount I'm now missing, but for me it's a lot. 2,500 euros. But I'm even more disappointed that I haven't heard from Maria since. I never expected her to disappear. I've always had little money at my disposal, but I get by quite well. My ex and I have been separated for a long time, we don't have any children and I work as a sales clerk. About four years ago, I got a pay rise for the first time in ages. The bottom line is that I have 120 euros more a month. I put 70 of that into a savings account every month. I have a big dream: I want to buy an allotment at some point. Maria thought it was a great idea. She's an old school friend of mine. A few years ago, we bumped into each other in the pedestrian zone. And we immediately got on really well again. It was just like before. We arranged to meet up straight away and started seeing each other regularly. Until I met Maria's husband. I didn't like him from the very first moment. And saw how badly he treated Maria. Disgusting. I told her that too. And she told me that he even hit her. Then she called, a year ago. She was packing her things and leaving him. I asked her if I could lend her money to start again. Of course I said yes straight away. Since then? She's disappeared without a trace, doesn't answer her cell phone. I don't have an address either, nobody knows where she's gone. I can probably write off the money, and the friendship anyway."

Marlene (51), Leni (47) and Veronika (48) from Ulm: "The vacation plans were our undoing"

"It was supposed to be a dream vacation. Leni, Veronika and I wanted to make it come true. Finally get out, white sand, turquoise sea, no children and no men. And just have fun together. The three of us. We had spent many evenings imagining it in the most fantastic colors. And now it was actually going to work out. Veronika was childless and single anyway, Lenis and my husband agreed. We booked ten days in Mauritius and each of us paid 1,900 euros for it. It was great to look forward to. But a month beforehand, the big bang suddenly came: Leni told us that her car had broken down. She needed a new one and was 1,000 euros short of the deposit. She couldn't go with us. We were all knocked on the head. That couldn't be true. We had all been so happy! Veronika and I tried to persuade her. Leni hesitated, but two weeks beforehand she decided: no vacation. And Veronika suddenly backed out too. So we canceled the trip and only got a partial refund. I was furious, but they both thought it was excessive. We still haven't had a clarifying discussion. The issue stands between us like a wall."

Ute (48), Klaus (53) from Kiel: "They use our money to go to sea"

"We got to know Lisa and Frank on a short vacation to the Baltic Sea. For them it was like their annual vacation, for us it was an extended weekend. Yes, we have more money, we both earn well. It's a different story for Lisa and Frank. She only works part-time, he works as a clerk. But the difference didn't bother either of us. We got on really well. And when we went out for an expensive meal, Klaus paid for it. That was okay for us. But then Frank became unemployed. At the same time, his car broke down. It was a difficult time for both of them and money was getting tight. We stepped in, first paid for the car repairs and then lent them 5,000 euros. Shortly afterwards, Henning and I spontaneously drove to our favorite hotel by the sea. And suddenly Lisa and Frank stood in front of us. They needed a change of scenery because of all the stress. We clearly saw it as a 'vacation at our expense'. No more contact since then. We can probably write off our money."

Tips and information on the topic

When you lend money to friends, you should listen carefully to what you expect. Gratitude? Nothing at all? And how can you mend a broken friendship? Our expert Dr. Doris Wolf, psychologist, psychotherapist and author of many guidebooks, has some valuable tips.

Problems arise when the giver wants the gift not to be taken for granted and expects recognition in return. And when the recipient sees himself in the role of the alms-receiver, who would rather keep the issue quiet. Then a previously equal friendship can become seriously imbalanced. Contracts are important and prevent friends from breaking up. A written agreement helps to clarify expectations and provides security. If you are prepared to pay back the money you have borrowed, you don't have to fear a contract.

It is always possible to mend a rift, regardless of whether it is over borrowed money or broken trust. It is necessary to discuss what expectations there were, how everyone felt and why everyone behaved in a certain way. Then it is an active act of forgiveness.

More on the topic here:

Dr. Doris Wolf explains strategies on how to deal with rejection and criticism more easily.
Book: "From today on, nobody will offend me anymore", PAL-Verlag

Here are some good legal tips on lending to family, friends or children.
www.anwalt.de/rechtstipps