It's nice to have some peace and quiet to listen to ourselves and live out our needs. Not to compromise for once. Doing nothing that you would otherwise only do for the sake of others. We choose freely, without outside influence, listening only to our heart. Yes, being alone is a valuable experience. But if we are permanently deprived of nice people to talk to and lean on, being alone can turn into loneliness, which hurts.
Where does the new loneliness come from?
We are more connected than ever before. Almost everyone has countless Facebook friends, but in real life, friends are becoming rare. People stare at their cell phones on the bus and subway - it's the exception rather than the rule these days. Everyone seems to be next to themselves. In our heads, everything revolves around work, profit and self-optimization. Faster, higher, further - friendships often fall by the wayside. In an opinion poll, four out of five Germans stated that they sometimes feel lonely. British scientist Rebecca Nowland found that people between the ages of 18 and 35 are particularly affected. The reasons: obsessive self-optimization, high demands at work, long working days. Loneliness is as dangerous as smoking, the scientists found, it makes you ill and shortens your life. And: loneliness is a taboo, people don't talk about it and never admit that they suffer from it, because loneliness doesn't fit in with Facebook and Instagram. But here's the good news: loneliness can be cured. Here you can find ways out of social isolation.
Escaping the stress trap
We all experience energy-sapping phases from time to time - at work or with the family. But sometimes this phase becomes permanent. Those affected often don't even realize that they are caught in the stress trap. After a day at the office, you come home and suddenly realize that, despite all your Facebook contacts, there is no one you could call for a long chat. During the day, you didn't even notice it because you were so busy. Important: To reduce stress, you should first find out where it comes from in the first place. And then fight it. Say no sometimes, don't work overtime all the time, hire a service to care for a relative.
An age-old tip that always works: Join an interesting club - you'll meet like-minded people there.
Consciously do something for yourself
Taking time out, being alone with yourself for a while - this also helps with overload. And doing something good at the same time soothes the soul. Walking a dog from the animal shelter, for example. Or reading aloud in a retirement home. You can also be lonely in a relationship - if the other person is not interested in your partner's thoughts or experiences. Loneliness has nothing to do with the presence or absence of people. Loneliness is the feeling of not being recognized, noticed or needed. And that is not so rare: Especially when the children are out of the house, many couples just live side by side. That's when you should do things that do you good: a yoga class, for example, or a massage. And: you can also find new friends on online platforms.
It's not worth cooking for just one person?
Yes, and how! Treat yourself to a nice meal, especially when you're alone. Make yourself really comfortable at home and spoil yourself. Remind yourself of your strengths, skills and experience. If you value and love yourself, you will also have a great, even more positive impact on others.
Draw boundaries, start afresh
Sometimes we come to a point in life where we realize that relationships with our fellow human beings are not what we really want. There are friendships in which only one person is always giving, caring, worrying. The other allows themselves to be served in every way. You should keep your distance from people like that because they also tend to belittle you, have no confidence in you and undermine your self-esteem. Some boycott other relationships and talk badly. That's not good for you. You should only surround yourself with people who give you a sense of community, who open up, who can listen and who are good with knowledge about others. You should separate yourself from people who exploit you.
Show others that you are open to closeness
An Indian proverb says: "The smile you send out returns to you." You may feel unsure about approaching someone straight away to make new contacts. Then simply start with a friendly smile. The person you're talking to is sure to smile back - a nice start to a nice conversation that can quickly lead to more. Take this opportunity, your courage will be rewarded.
Light sport makes you happy
It's so simple and so true. Because when you exercise, your body releases endorphins. And these endogenous substances make you happy. If you sit at home and only move from the sofa to the fridge and back, you will become ill in the long run. Walking, swimming and cycling are suitable - especially for beginners, say the experts. However, you should look for something that you enjoy doing, otherwise it will become torture and you will stop pretty quickly. Sport also allows you to meet people who do the same thing. A wonderful side effect: sport is healthy and has been proven to prolong life.
If you like yourself, people will like you
It sounds so simple, but sometimes it's not that easy: accept and love yourself for who you are. Because if you don't like yourself, other people usually don't like you either. Self-esteem and self-love are important cornerstones for getting along with others. A simple trick to get the day off to a good start: consciously smile at yourself in the mirror in the morning. Yes, it sounds totally banal, but it really works. Also helpful: remembering five things you can be really proud of. If your inner voice whispers: "You can't do that anyway", then say STOP inside. This will change your mind.
Allow new things to happen
After a separation or job loss, those affected feel sad and are emotionally quite shattered. They often withdraw in order to come to terms with the new situation or the loss. Those who remain stuck in this situation are at risk of becoming lonely and no longer participate in life. They often feel attacked, even though they may not have meant it that way. Very important: go out, meet people, do something.
Get active and volunteer
Volunteering is a good way to do this, such as helping at a food bank or tutoring at an elementary school. It gives you strength and positive energy. Which activity inspires you? Where do you really thrive? Other people are sure to share your passion. Join a club or a group. Volunteer for a project that is close to your heart. This will help others and yourself at the same time, as your commitment will automatically give you topics of conversation with like-minded people and a fixed date that connects you with loved ones.
Stay open and use the internet too
Social media is ideal for making contacts. There are many online portals and Facebook groups where people arrange to meet up for outings. You may not find a new best friend or a dream partner there straight away - but you will certainly find someone to spend a few pleasant hours with. Together instead of alone.
New trend: "social cocooning"
Especially in the cold season, people like to snuggle up - and it's really good to do this together. Whether it's drinking coffee, cooking, knitting or reading together: You can find lots of great opportunities to get together in your city online - or simply ask your friendly neighbor.
Recognize the essentials
Escaping loneliness always means change. You can't do it without change, without it you remain trapped in the labyrinth of loneliness. It is better to get rid of things that are a burden and people who are not good for you. Nature helps you to regenerate - a long walk in the woods can work wonders. A trip to the sea or the mountains is also great, as are music and art: everything is good for rediscovering your inner richness. If traveling or cultural events are not possible for health or financial reasons, simply bring plants or an animal into your home. Brain scans have shown that almost all people develop a deep harmony with themselves and their surroundings in certain situations - when looking out over a snow-covered mountain peak, for example, or over a turbulent ocean.
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