• Here we can find countless guides and information pages, especially on our favorite topic of sex. We read about positions, practices, contraception, the first time, orgasm and tantra.
• We enter our symptoms and find out what we might have in no time at all.
• We find out what's hot and what's not. Try anal sex? No problem.
• Complicated bondage restraints? Also explained, even with videos.
• We're stuck and can't get out? Hm, scissors, bolt cutters and, in an emergency, the fire department. Their number is also online, just in case we've forgotten it in our fright.

And then there are also countless forums where we can find like-minded people. To exchange ideas or to meet up in real life. So everything should be taken care of. But are we really as enlightened as we think we are? Or are there still a lot of unanswered questions? After all, these floods also create new ideals that no one can fulfill. Instead of being factually ignorant, we overwhelm ourselves with everything we think we have to do. And some things we simply can't read up on. We have to experience them for ourselves.

What do we learn at school?

Schools are now providing more and more information across the board. That is excellent. Adolescents are familiarized with contraceptive methods at an early age and can thus better protect themselves against unwanted pregnancies. They also learn how to protect themselves against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). In addition, sexual orientations, identities and partnership models are increasingly discussed. All great.

But when it actually gets down to business and they have their first experience, questions arise that were not addressed in class and for which there are no ready-made answers: Is my penis size enough? Is it normal if my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex? What is the quickest way to orgasm? Why don't I like my vagina? How do I deal with it if it doesn't work the first time? No matter how much googling you do, it's no substitute for a real conversation. And above all, it doesn't replace your own experiences.

What image does pornography convey?

We all know porn. Even if we are not regular users, we cannot avoid seeing something at some point. Some people view porn as an education, to be inspired or simply to be aroused. They may have already had enough experience of their own to know what the difference is. Others are frightened. They are confronted with content and images that they have not yet experienced themselves. They see bigger, longer, faster and wonder how they will ever achieve this performance themselves.

Some studies claim that young people in particular have enough powers of abstraction to recognize the artificial. And others claim the opposite. We only need to ask ourselves what porn does to us. Deep down in our hearts, we all know that this is not reality. But what is reality? And where is the intimacy that is completely missing in porn? The intimacy that makes sex something special and for some even something divine? We first have to experience it ourselves in order to recognize it.

Lust is a precious commodity

When we look online, we quickly get the feeling that everything revolves around sex. Whether alone, as a couple or in a threesome - all we have to do is get going and it's on. A desire that can be ignited at any time and a permanent willingness to have sex - we won't settle for anything less. No matter what happens around us, no matter how much our lives, our relationships and our bodies change. But there is less and less going on. Because we are losing our desire. And it's not so easy to bring it back to life. Too many factors play a role for there to be a global solution for everyone.

One of these factors is our constant exposure to the media and the associated loss of mystery. We can see EVERYTHING and we can find a virtual template for even the most bizarre sexual fantasies. Yet our own imagination is such a wonderful engine. But we are fueling it with booze. Why? Because it's more convenient to let ourselves be sprinkled than to make an effort ourselves. Instead of feeling, we are constantly searching for new information, new content. And in doing so, our imagination is depleted. We place ever more and ever higher demands on ourselves and our partners and forget that sex is not a competitive sport, but rather pure leisure pleasure. So, away with the stress, away with the many external images and towards relaxation!

Education is not everything

But what do we really want? Quite simply: always what we can't have. Scarcity determines value. And sex is endlessly available today, even if it's only on the screen. So purely for reasons of pleasure, I would actually advocate a return to prudery. The less we are allowed to do, the more pressing the desire becomes. The less we can see, the more curious we become. So on the one hand, it's good if we have the freedom to find out about everything. On the other hand, we suffer from being over-informed, under pressure to perform and alienated from our feelings. We should listen more to our inner voice and less to what other people think we should be like.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION