Of course a woman can also live out her sexuality in this way if she feels like it. And of course there are men who have one-night stands in exactly the same way. But a one-night stand also stands for unconditional sex. If you get involved, you shouldn't expect the big emotional movie. Especially not if you end up in the sack after a night of drinking. Above all, everyone is responsible for themselves. So if you want something, you should get it and not wait for the other person to give it to you. THAT is what women need to learn. Get out of the victim role. The question remains: Are men really such ruthless instinct satisfiers? Is male sexuality so restricted?
Being a man with pleasure
There are studies that seem to prove that men are easier to please than women when it comes to sex. But where does this come from? Humans are social beings and as such we learn from our parents, our peer group and the society in which we grow up. So it would be too easy to just blame it on genes. But what image of male sexuality do we grow up with? Always being able to, always wanting to and the whole thing in thirsty-bunny mode. Both professionally and privately, men are trimmed for performance and less for feeling themselves. We only need to take a look at popular pornography. Everything is reduced to the erect penis. Orgasm is the top priority. It is the crowning glory of the whole thing, without it something seems to be missing. Even and especially in real life.
Women are often portrayed as victims of male lust and not as people who are responsible for their own pleasure. Instead of standing up for their needs, they are encouraged to act in exactly the same way, namely recklessly, as in the example above. This mirrors back to men how deficient they appear to be. They internalize this image and thus limit themselves. Yet male sexuality is just as diverse, emotional or insecure as female sexuality. Men just have to discover this and allow it.
Saleem Matthias Riek and Rainer Salm have written a book about precisely this path of discovery. In this book, we find the opposite of the restricted male sexuality described above. For "Lustvoll Mann sein. Expeditions into the realm of male sexuality", fifteen men were interviewed. These are men who have already embarked on their own erotic journey. What they reveal about themselves is exciting and impressive. Above all, it becomes clear how vulnerable men are. " In order to really let go and become one with her, a woman has to give me space ," says one of the interviewees. "I've never experienced a heavenly orgasm separate from an intense connection. I also don't expect much from sex outside of an intense relationship. I certainly enjoy it and have fun doing it. But real depth takes time and therefore also a longer relationship." The further men venture, the more they lose focus on the orgasm. Touching, opening up, getting in touch, enduring insecurities and empathizing become increasingly important. They discover sexuality in a whole new dimension. One conclusion is that men also want to feel welcome as sexual beings . Instead, they repeatedly encounter derogatory remarks and feel ashamed of their own needs.
Looking beyond the sexual horizon
So men don't always behave recklessly and selfishly. Ultimately, such statements only fuel the usual prejudices. The world of men should be crying out here! But we are so used to such remarks that we almost don't stumble across them any more. "Yes, that's right, I've experienced that too." Maybe so. But what part did we ourselves play in it? Did we let it happen? Have we simply not thought outside the sexual box? We are all capable of evolving. Women as well as men. We can deal with what we consider to be masculine or feminine. And that certainly means something different for everyone. But instead of always insisting on performance, it's time to discover our own sensuality and be mindful of ourselves. And to give the other person the space he or she needs to unfold.