I'm lying in the dental chair with my friend, the world's best dentist, in my thoughts. A crown has come loose. "Which one?" she asks routinely. I answer just as routinely: "There, at the back, the second molar". Yes, I'm quite sure, after all I've felt it with my tongue. She jerks. Nothing happens. She jerks the tooth next to it. And lo and behold! The wobbly crown is hiding there. I was so sure! I'm sure many people are familiar with this situation, especially when it comes to toothache. We can't pinpoint exactly where we feel the pain and our guess is often wrong. What does this have to do with sex, you ask? Quite a lot. Because the female genital area also hides undreamt-of possibilities for confusion, but here not in terms of pain but pleasure. That's already much better. Pleasure is great, we want to experience it as often as possible. But where exactly do we feel it? Clitoris, G-spot, A-spot, cervix? Clitoral, vaginal? Not so easy. Can we say exactly what we feel where? And what is true?
Is it even possible to determine feelings objectively?
Every woman feels differently and in different situations. Today it's great, tomorrow it's great. We are all highly sensitive to touch at special moments. And completely unreceptive at others. Any woman whose lover has ever approached her breasts at an inappropriate moment knows this. What was great in bed earlier is now just uncomfortable and inappropriate at your desk. Go away, my breasts are mine again now! Stimulation here and there can lead to intense orgasms. Can, but doesn't have to. An orgasm can ripple along today and sweep over us tomorrow with exactly the same stimulation. While one woman freaks out here, the other feels nothing at all there. While one vows to experience vaginal orgasms, the other is convinced of her clitoral bliss. While one man makes her ejaculate non-stop, the next looks like a freaky fountain.
Female pleasure is more complicated than male pleasure. If only because we can't see everything that's inside us. And because we often don't even want to look. Simpler would be easier. It's more exciting that way. But there's also a lot for men to discover if they normally only focus on their penis. What about the scrotum, the perineum? Have you ever taken a close look in the mirror and felt it with your hands? I could still slap Sigmund Freud today for creating the myth of the vaginal orgasm. Few misconceptions are as persistent as this one. One of the most frequently cited problems in sexual counseling and therapy is the lack of vaginal orgasm. Both women and men struggle to achieve this ideal and yet all too often fail due to the anatomical conditions. Even the existence of the G-spot is still highly controversial in sexology today. In an interview with a major women's magazine, I received derisive comments from the world of tantrics in response to this statement: Where did I get my training, of course the G-spot exists. And sure, it's certainly not a "point" in the mathematical sense, then it would be tiny. But that's a bit of a mouthful and has nothing to do with the topic. The fact that some women here are not sexually sensitive for a variety of reasons was not even up for debate. Sex therapist Christoph Joseph Ahlers, on the other hand, said in an interview with Die Welt: "There is no G-spot. The G-spot is the Yeti of sexual medicine.There isno more certainty about it than there is a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasm." Too bad. Back and forth. Every woman who can ejaculate will now cry out and say, of course there is a G-spot! I would now claim that this is purely a matter of faith. For me, at least, the G-spot exists. However, I can agree with Mr. Ahlers when it comes to the distinction between vaginal and clitoral orgasm. The clitoris is ultimately responsible for all orgasms. But where and how we experience a climax is something that every woman can only decide for herself.
Let's just take pleasure individually!
So, what's right? Everything. Nothing at all. There's no objectivity here like at the dentist. But lots of subjective feelings. And nobody can prove it scientifically yet. There is a lobby for every claim. It can be quite confusing. Ultimately, the question is: What do I feel? If I believe that my orgasm is vaginal, then it is. Because I feel it. If I think my vaginal orgasm feels different to my clitoral orgasm, then it is. When I've discovered my G-spot, it's there. Quite simply. And if I think my cervix is erogenous, that's also true. But that doesn't mean that other women have to feel the same way. Ejaculating is great, but not every woman thinks it's desirable. And I think it's great when a woman or a couple goes in search of pleasurable spots. And maybe there will be something new to discover next time! The journey is the destination. But please, no expectations, no pressure!