Not having to think about whether to have a piece of meat for dinner, buying your little one a pair of really smart new winter boots. These are wishes that are normal for most Germans. Not so for 43-year-old Anna. For her, meat and children's boots are pure luxury. It wasn't always like this, but after her divorce two years ago, Anna is in a much worse financial position and has to turn over every penny twice.

After the divorce is before the financial decline

After graduating from secondary school, Anna trained as a physiotherapist. "I loved my job. I really enjoyed working with the patients. And then there were my nice colleagues. We were a great team," Anna remembers. After her training, she was taken on at the practice and everyone was delighted with the fun-loving and committed young woman. Then she met a nice man at work. He is slightly older than her and her patient. After his last lesson, Markus finally invites her to dinner. Anna immediately falls for the ambitious student. A year later, she moves in with him. When Anna is 23 years old, she becomes pregnant. "I was over the moon. I just thought it was a shame that we didn't get married before the birth. We made up for it seven years later." And although Markus was against it at the time, Anna continued to work full-time in her profession until the birth of her son Maximilian. After that, the then 23-year-old took parental leave. "Markus had just finished his studies and took his first job as a business economist at a large company. He wasn't earning too badly and was able to provide for both of us. Nevertheless, after three years
back to work after three years. But Markus asked me to take a step back and take care of him at home." And for Anna, this is a matter of course. Her parents had modeled the classic division of roles for her. So it's clear to her: she takes care of the household and the child, while Markus pursues his career.

The young woman is often alone. This is because her partner is often away on business trips. "For me, it was rather difficult that I didn't have anything for myself anymore. I cooked, cleaned and took care of the children. But I didn't have anything else of my own." And yet Anna grits her teeth. Although she brings up the subject from time to time, Markus simply doesn't want his wife to go to work. And so the strong-willed man gets his way for the time being.

When Maximilian starts secondary school, Anna wants to take the opportunity to work a few hours a week in her old job again. However, the position in the practice where she was previously employed has been eliminated due to the takeover of another company. What remains: temporary part-time jobs. "And even those were incredibly sought-after. I had virtually no chance of getting in properly." Nevertheless, Anna takes any job she can get - even if Markus is strictly against it. "It was only for a few hours a week. But it was something I did just for myself, even if it was hardly worth it financially."

When Anna is 38 years old, she becomes pregnant again. Maximilian is now 15 years old. And although the second child is not planned, the couple are happy. Once again, it is clear that she will stay at home and look after the baby while Markus works on his career.

And then came the shock: when their baby was a year old, Markus suddenly separated from her . "From one day to the next, everything was over. And I sat there with little Marie and an almost grown-up son and didn't know what to do. In addition to this huge emotional disappointment, I was also worried about my finances. I would never have expected a separation. After all, we had sworn to each other 'till death do us part'."

Some time later, Anna learns that Markus is having an affair and wants to move in with this woman. She receives so-called separation maintenance from her still-husband. She only finds out later that she is actually entitled to much more than the 1,000 euros that Markus pays her each month. At the court hearing, Anna is suddenly the center of attention: "I had the impression that I was the stupid one here. The judge asked me why I hadn't worked full-time all those years. Markus just remained silent and didn't say anything."

How long does maintenance have to be paid?

The court finally awards her child maintenance. However, only until Marie is three years old. After that, Anna should go back to work full-time. "Surely I would be able to do that, the judge asked me at the time." But a few weeks after the verdict came the next shock: Markus took a new job - abroad. Anna has been completely on her own for two years, her ex-husband doesn't pay her a penny. And even though Maximilian has since moved out and is doing an apprenticeship in Stuttgart and Anna now has a part-time job, it's hard to make ends meet. And all because she has always taken herself back.

What you are legally entitled to

Many women find themselves in an unhappy situation after divorce. Seek advice from a family law solicitor at an early stage. Here is a brief overview.

Separation maintenance - what is it and who gets it?
After the separation and until the court makes a decision, the partner who earns less is entitled to so-called separation maintenance.

Who receives maintenance after the divorce and when?
After the divorce, maintenance is only paid to the partner who is in a needy situation and is therefore unable to earn their own income. These situations include, for example, when there are small children to look after. The person concerned is then entitled to this basic maintenance for at least three years after the birth of a child. Other factors include unemployment, illness, old-age maintenance or education maintenance.

And what if the woman gives up her career for the family?
As soon as children are on the way, these women should conclude a marriage contract. If they don't, they will be left empty-handed in the event of a divorce. This is despite the fact that many women today still forgo their own success in favor of their husband's career. In a prenuptial agreement, everything must be set out as specifically as possible. In other words: how exactly does the couple envisage everyday life when the children are born? This is the only way to find out what the wife has given up in the event of a divorce.

In 2008 there was a reform in maintenance law - what does that mean?
If women have been at home, they have to make sure they find a job again quickly. They are also expected to work in a profession other than the one they have learned.

Further information

• The most important facts about divorce, maintenance and paternity: www.familienrecht-heute.de
• The website of the Federal Ministry provides information on all laws and reforms: www.bmjv.de
• "Die Zeitschrift für das gesamte Familienrecht" provides good and concise advice and further information on new regulations on its website: www.famrz.de