She is a fun-loving middle-aged woman. Uta laughs a lot - especially when she's out and about with her best friends. But when it comes to men, the otherwise tough Flensburg woman suddenly goes quiet. The problem: Uta has just been through a traumatic break-up. And it's not just this that's bothering her, but above all what preceded it - her relationship with Björn, who is pathologically jealous.
"It started beautifully, and I still believe that we could have become something very special. If Björn wasn't who he unfortunately is. It took me a long time to realize that," says the 46-year-old. When she met Björn four years ago, Uta already had several failed relationships behind her. "To be honest, I never liked being alone, and one or two of those relationships probably ended for that reason. Everything was different with Björn. I fell head over heels in love with him." Her sister introduces the two of them.
"My first thought was: what an interesting man. I really wanted to get to know him." What Uta likes about Björn, who is two years older, is that he knows what he wants and he says so. Shortly after their third meeting, for example, he sends her a text message:
Please stop seeing other men. I want you to belong to me completely.
Finally someone who doesn't beat around the bush and clearly says what or who he wants - Uta is delighted with this strong man. Another scene, a few months later: "At a company party where I was accompanying him, I was talking to one of his colleagues. Björn was immediately on the spot and pulled me onto the dance floor. I thought it was incredibly sweet and romantic at the time."
What she only realizes later is that all these little things, these oh-so-romantic behaviours, are in fact the first signs of the pathological jealousy that dominates Björn. After about a year, the two of them had a serious argument.
"We were now living together and he didn't want me to go to the North Sea with my mother for the weekend. He got really hysterical. He said we would meet men there. It was absurd." Nevertheless, she stands by her boyfriend and offers him the chance to come with her. Uta does everything she can to make Björn trust her - but his jealousy attacks become increasingly violent.
"At some point, he even saw my work as a threat and raged when I came home five minutes later. That was the beginning of the end. I cried so often and begged him to get help. But Björn just wouldn't accept that he was destroying our relationship." After just over three years, Uta finally pulled the emergency brake. "It was hell for me to end the relationship. Because I still love him today. But his mistrust completely destroyed me. The more I tried to please him, the more he restricted me. At some point, I turned to a psychologist. It was only with her help that I was able to break up."
Despite everything, Uta still hopes for a happy ending. Maybe he will let himself be helped after all. Then she wants to be there for him.
You might also be interested in this:
Getting rid of jealousy: Professional tips from psychologists
Unfaithful relationship: Not with these tips!
Intimate confessions: Yes, I'm having an affair
When love is pathological: "My husband, the narcissist"
Cheating to refresh the relationship?
The idea for me podcast on the topic
Also listen to our podcast on the topic of "pathological jealousy":
