Some people are so loud during sex that the walls shake. They moan, louder and louder, they literally scream, they sound like stags rutting. Some people are turned on by exactly that, they are oblivious, porn-obsessed. They have images in their heads. They don't care what others think. In contrast to those who are embarrassed by such noises. Oh God, what do the neighbors think? Even in the hotel, the completely unknown guests in the adjoining rooms sit next to the bed like invisible censors. Worst-case scenario: the in-laws in the next room. Teenagers don't want to hear the sounds of their parents having sex either. Well, my parents didn't have sex, of course. Parents never have sex ;-)
Of course, you can pull yourself together in certain situations. But what does that do to us if we don't make a sound? Nothing. No moaning, no audible breathing noises? And what is it like for the other person? Especially if we always hold back?
Moaning is also a form of communication
As already made clear above, there are various reasons why we hold back during sex: On the one hand, it can be consideration for others, but on the other hand it can also be shame. Shame about what others might think. And shame in admitting our pleasure to ourselves and the other person. Behind this can be the mostly unconscious belief that lust is forbidden and sex is something dirty. This particularly affects women, who were often given this impression during their upbringing. And as long as we are not aware of these unconscious messages, they smoulder like small fires and inhibit us.
The fact is, however, that pleasure noises are a form of communication. If one partner remains silent during lovemaking, the other has no idea whether what is happening is good or not. A vacuum of pleasure is created, so to speak. If there are no pleasurable movements of the whole body, we ultimately have no connection to the other person. Is that good? Or this? Or something completely different?
No one has to imitate the actors in porn movies. No, definitely not. It's not about moaning as loudly as possible. And it's certainly not about faking pleasure by moaning just to do the other person a favor. Unless you want to turn the other person on in particular. Many men and women get turned on when their partner's loud moans show them how much they're enjoying what's happening. But moaning can also be done quietly. Prince shows us how: In "Do Me, Baby", he moans so lustfully towards the end of the track that I, at least, can almost see him writhing with pleasure. It's intimate and confidential. Arousing.
You can learn to moan
Moaning means pleasure. But moaning can also give us pleasure ourselves. I have a little exercise for you:
- Stand up once. Relax and let your arms hang down to the left and right of your body.
- Now take a deep breath so that your chest rises and let the air slide out of you with a slight moan so that your abdominal wall lowers.
- You can leave your moistened lips slightly open and close your eyes.
- Aaaaahhhhhhhh. Once more. Aaaaahhhhhhhh. And one more time. Aaaaahhhhhhhh.
- How does that feel?
- Does it do something to you?
- Is something happening in your abdomen?
- Do you perhaps even feel like it?
- Now move slowly to it, flowing, lolling, enjoying your pleasure.
Can you imagine showing a little more of yourself during your next lovemaking session? A very slight moan, a little lolling. How does that feel? How does your partner react to it? And then maybe you'll dare to do a little more next time.
Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION