They look and act like a couple. They eat at their favorite restaurant together, go to the theater afterwards, hold hands on the way home and make passionate love that night. The next morning, they part again. As singles with their own lives. No commitments, no plans for the future, no relationship stress. They remain single until they meet again and spend the day, evening or weekend as a couple. No relationship stress? Really? Is life as a single really so free of complications?

And yet another new pigeonhole

At some point, this new neologism suddenly appeared in the media. Mingle. I was asked what it was. As is sometimes the case, I sometimes miss out on the latest trends in love and sexuality. I also don't know the Latin names of all the sexual practices and preferences. Abattage, salirophilia, pictophilia? Who can remember them all? Maybe someone with a name fetish. A namophilist. Something new is constantly being added, inventive as we humans are when it comes to our lust.

And what about the mingle? A new type of relationship that I hadn't heard of before? With its sudden presence in the media, the mingle seemed to have something revolutionary about it. But it wasn't quite like that after all. I was familiar with the type of relationship behind it. Just not the name:

• The word mingle is made up of mixed and single. Being together and having sex without actually being together. So it's a great arrangement for anyone who likes to enjoy the pleasures of life without having to make a commitment.

Mingles already existed in my youth. Even back then, there was often the seemingly unspeakable question of "Are we together or not?" at the beginning. We fiddled around with it for a few days until one or the other finally clarified the matter. Only a few remained in this relationship status permanently. And for pure fun, there were already friends with benefits back then, the pure bed stories.

Every third German wants to be a single?

The difference between then and now is the duration and frequency. Back then, being a single was just a transition from being single to being a couple. Today, however, being single seems to be a permanent state that can last for years.

• According to a survey by the dating portal Secret, 29% of Germans can imagine living like this.

One in three? I don't want to deny that there are people who prefer this kind of casual relationship. But from my experience, I don't see that there are that many. Young people today have a very romantic image of love. There is no room for love without the protective framework of a committed relationship. What's more, the number of marriages is on the rise again. This raises the question of who exactly was surveyed.

Men yes, women no

According to this survey, there are gender-specific differences. While two out of three men could warm to an uncomplicated relationship, only one in three women could. Why fewer women? Perhaps the biological clock is behind it. If you want to have children, at some point you can no longer ignore this ticking. By the time they have a child, most women want to be in a committed relationship. Especially as single mothers have a very difficult time in our society. But to be honest, men also want to have children and men also want to feel that they are in a stable relationship.

The simpler, the better

Perhaps this is just the wishful thinking of a relationship that doesn't force you to deal with yourself or the other person. The simpler, the better. However, according to the survey, the younger you are, the more willing you are to mingle. The older, the less. But after all, older people could not imagine working for years on unpaid internships or being stuck in capricious temporary contracts. That really shapes their view of the world.

And that brings us to the crux of the matter. Of course, we don't want to work unpaid or constantly fear for our job. But it's better to get a start in your dream job through an unpaid internship than no start at all, better any kind of job than no job at all. Better to be with the person you love in some way than not at all. And if the other person doesn't want to commit, we're all too quick to say "Okay, then." It will work out. Yes, it will. At least as long as the other person isn't keeping an eye on someone else.

Just don't miss anything

Because that's the way our time is. Just don't settle, something better could still come along. I know people who spend so long comparing the prices of different products that the time they spend on it has long since outstripped the amount they save. And as long as we haven't finally decided on a particular product, all the others remain in our radius of attention.

It's the same with potential relationships. As long as we have not made a final choice, we look left and right and keep an eye out for something even better. It may be that we actually find someone else along the way. But how do we know if he or she is really better? In doing so, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to be truly convinced of what we have. We don't really get involved with the person.

Only if both are REALLY convinced mingles does everything fit perfectly. If not, our selfishness hurts the person who doesn't really want to be a mingle. The one who would much rather be part of a real relationship. The one who dreams of being introduced to their parents and making plans together. The one who really loves us and who is gnawing at this condition. But it always takes two: one who does and one who joins in.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION

Source: https://www.welt.de/vermischtes/article140661214/Knapp-jeder-Dritte-will-gern-Mingle-sein.html