IDFM: Ms. Henning, the representative survey conducted by Ashley Madison in August 2021 revealed that 38 percent have had an affair with a work colleague. 83 percent have tried to keep it a strict secret. Why are romantic relationships in the workplace still so taboo in this day and age? After all, we spend most of our time at work.
It's not romantic relationships at work, but specifically affairs that are taboo. I think it's because someone is being betrayed. An immoral thought. If the affair is then discovered, it can have a particularly negative impact at work because many people in a confined space will feel the consequences and can't simply leave. Sorrow, sadness or even feelings of revenge and more can arise - and all this during working hours! That's why Ashley Madison advises against this type of affair. Interestingly, studies show that when two colleagues get physical, it is hardly ever detected. I think that people are particularly wary of this kind of "professional cheating" because the risk is known and the potential costs aretoo high.
IDFM: What do employers fear most - a decline in morals in the company or employees no longer concentrating on their work? Sex triggers feelings of happiness, so most people feel uplifted. Bosses should actually be happy about the energy released, as this can also be put to good use. Negative effects on the workplace were reported at just 5 percent. This is hard to imagine, because it begs the question: what is the real problem then?
The underlying problem is that affairs simply have a negative connotation in the minds of many people. The fact that affairs can be inspiring and bring good energy to the workplace, which has positive effects on productivity and mood, is pushed into the background. In many companies, there is a deliberate separation of "work and private life".
At least that's how it was handled for a long time, but things have changed in the meantime: Employees have an after-work drink together, do sports at the company or go on weekend courses and excursions from the company - this practically encourages affairs! Many companies simply don't have a consistent policy. What's more, in today's "me" society, there's a clear tendency not to want to be told what to do, not even about your sex life. So as long as I'm doing my job, I do what I want otherwise.
IDFM: What's the best way to behave when an affair is discovered by the boss and colleagues?
This is a tricky question. I myself would definitely stand by my "deeds". However, I would also emphasize that it is a private matter and make sure that my work at the company continues without any problems or distractions. As is so often the case in life, how well something like this works depends very much on a person's personal standing and maturity. If you want to avoid such confrontations, it's better to avoid affairs at work.
IDFM: In terms of employment law, an affair in the workplace is not grounds for dismissal. But what are the possible consequences?
When an affair is discovered, it happens, as in any other romantic relationship, that things become stressful and people no longer get on as well as before. Unpleasant feelings or bad moods arise, which affect not only the cheating partner but everyone in the office. There is the aforementioned social condemnation of the affair, which can even end in direct bullying. Your reputation is ruined, perhaps especially if you are female.
There are still different rules for men and women, especially when it comes to sexual matters. In scientific terms, this is known as the "sexual double standard". What passes with a smile as a peccadillo for a man often ends with a "slut!" for a woman. So it could be that an affair at work ends up costing you your job, even if it's because you leave.
IDFM: The argument for leaving the company is often that it affects the overall mood in the company. That also happens when two colleagues don't get on. Nobody has to leave then either. Provided that the two people who had an affair treat each other in a civilized manner: What can those involved do to resolve the situation within the company?
My short answer here is: Behave yourselves! What I mean is that the two people having the affair should reflect on the situation and pull themselves together, which can be very difficult for some people, especially in love matters. I would always emphasize in the company: "We'll sort it out. It's private". The discussions should definitely take place after working hours. Quietly and calmly. Then there's a better chance that the matter will end smoothly.
IDFM: Do men or women have to change jobs more often? If a woman has to leave, why is that?
There are fewer and fewer differences in behavior between men and women, even if there is the sexual double standard mentioned above.
It's important to know that, according to studies, only a tiny proportion of people actually change jobs after an affair. Once again, I think it depends on personal standing and not much on gender as to who comes off best here and wants to leave or is "left".
IDFM: What advice would you give to women and men when they realize something is brewing? Renunciation, secrecy, openness?
This is an important question, because an affair often starts with "that feeling", where the interest in the other person is more than collegial. Everyone realizes this and must then decide for themselves whether to take the risk or not. What is someone's moral stance on affairs? In the end, it's your own feelings that decide. But one thing is clear: no one is overrun by feelings. We are not bonobo apes. Even if it is sometimes claimed otherwise. Humans have a cerebrum and can consciously decide against things! Perhaps we should do so in the workplace in particular.
About Asley Madison
Ashley Madison is the global market leader in married dating with more than 70 million members worldwide since 2002. Available in 52 countries and 19 languages, the company's mission to provide adults with a platform for discreet hookups has made it the premier destination for affairs.