It's actually nice to live without arguments, without discord. Isn't it? Isn't it great when we seem to get along with everyone else and don't offend anyone? No, because behind our desire for permanent harmony often lies something negative: our fear of rejection and hurt. We often only give in to the wishes and requests of others because we believe we have to meet other people's expectations. Our own needs often fall by the wayside. Time to rethink!

Recognize discussions as an opportunity
For Albert Einstein, an evening in which everyone is in complete agreement is a "lost" evening. In the sense that you don't have to convince anyone, but you don't learn anything either, so you don't develop any further. Too bad about the opportunity.

Provide variety instead of stagnation
Unfortunately, striving for eternal harmony also means passivity and boredom: We dare not experiment in any way, as it could jeopardize the balance. And we cling to the same behaviors every day without checking whether they make us happy. If we don't want others to label us as mere yes-men, we need to be active, ambitious - and critical.

Don't let a guilty conscience win
It's true: Rejecting someone always has a bad aftertaste. Especially when the other person is disappointed, we are quickly plagued by a guilty conscience. The only thing that helps here is to endure! As long as we give good reasons for saying no to a request - for example, because we don't have enough time or we don't have the know-how - our counterpart will also understand that we can't step in this time. Conversely, we don't end friendships just because we are told "no".

Act responsibly instead of just obeying
Be it superiors, teachers or trainers: even authority figures are not always right - yet we sometimes even follow nonsensical instructions just because they come from "above". In doing so, we make ourselves small and dependent on the wishes of others. Much better: question instructions, remain responsible for your own actions - and learn from them.

Asserting yourself and your own opinion
Agreeing with others on principle and nodding off everything that comes from them is practical: it's quick and we don't need to be afraid of conflict. But does this kind of behavior earn us respect? Probably not. That's why we should try to consistently stand up for what is really important to us from now on. Let's have more courage to express our own opinions!

Appear with more self-confidence
If we make ourselves look small and have an insecure posture, we are more easily taken advantage of by others. On the other hand, just walking upright and holding your head high makes it easier for friends and colleagues to accept a "no". Of course, it can still happen that we have bad experiences with a self-confident appearance. The rule then is: don't simply withdraw. Because yesterday is not today. Let's give ourselves the chance to become stronger, smarter and braver every day.

Offer the other person an alternative
The opposite of "yes" does not always automatically mean "no". Sometimes a compromise is the best solution. So let's think together with the other person about the best way to approach the matter. This shows: "Even if I can't fulfill your specific wish in exactly the same way, it's important to me that you're happy and satisfied with the result."

Say no to yourself more often
If we find it difficult to say no to others, let's just start with ourselves! Because if we slow ourselves down more often, it will also work better with others. Let's stop our perfectionism from time to time, like this: "It would be great if I could clean the bathroom now. But no! I've had a long day and deserve to rest now." If we learn in this way to recognize what is good for us and become more aware of our inner boundaries, we can represent these more easily to the outside world.

Don't be afraid of missing out
It's not always just about doing someone a favor. We often let ourselves be persuaded to go to appointments or events that we don't really want to go to - for fear of missing out and no longer being able to have a say. But we all need time alone from time to time, we need peace and quiet. Otherwise we quickly burn out. It is therefore important that we listen to ourselves from time to time and ask ourselves what we really want. And what if it's just a quiet evening on the sofa? That's perfectly fine!

Let the self grow again and again
Let's imagine a chair with four legs. One leg is for the job, one for family and friends, the third for fixed leisure appointments and the fourth for ourselves. Is this last leg just as long and stable as the others? Do we take up just as much space? It makes sense for us to check this again and again - otherwise our chair won't be able to stand for much longer. Only if we give ourselves the opportunity to grow will we also have the strength to give something to others, to help and support them. And no, this has nothing to do with selfishness.

Standing up for ourselves, feeling more satisfaction
Our goal for the future? To be more assertive. This does not mean always feeling right and ignoring the interests of others. It means recognizing your own needs and being able to justify them to others. It also means making balanced decisions - and thus leading a fulfilled life.

5 strategies for more stubbornness

In many situations, we allow ourselves to be persuaded to do things that we don't actually want to do. Stop it from now on!

1 The sales clerk won't let up and insists on the expensive dress? A "postponing no" ("I have to think about it first") prevents bad purchases.

2 The parents-in-law have invited you to a big brunch on Sunday, but you urgently need some time off? Then a "white lie no" ("Unfortunately, there's too much to do around the house") will help.

3 Your colleague has brought home-baked cake, but you're trying to eat healthier? A "laudatory no" ("That looks really great!") distracts you from your dietary restrictions.

4 Your girlfriend wants to borrow jewelry from you - again? A "problem no" ("I'm very attached to this piece, I don't feel comfortable letting it out of my hands") creates understanding.

5 Husband, children, boss - someone constantly wants something from you? Only a "concrete no" ("I don't have time for that right now") will prevent contradiction.

You might also be interested in this:
Time to live Part 1: Who dares, wins!
Time to live Part 2: The magic of new beginnings
Time to live part 3: "I am great!"
Time to live Part 5: Learning mindfulness
Time to live Part 6: On being happy
Time to live Part 7: Learning to let go
Time to live Part 8: The secret of serenity
Time to live Part 9: More me-time, please!
Time to live Part 10: Strengthening love!
Time to live Part 11: Become an optimist!
Time to live Part 12: 15 sentences for life
Time to live Part 13: Rituals make our lives easier
Time to live Part 14: Simply switch off for a while