Carmen (51) from Kiel:
"I find it hard to trust again "

Carmen and Rainer have been married for over 20 years and were always the dream couple for most of their friends. Until Rainer (53) slept with another woman. "It happened on a men's weekend, he confessed it to me and swore that it was a one-off," says Carmen. Rainer had only met the woman that evening. This is also one of the reasons why Carmen finally forgave him after a few weeks of reflection. "I didn't want to throw away this relationship, but I found it harder than I thought. Whenever Rainer comes home later than expected, I get suspicious. I know I have to trust, but it's not that easy."

The expert says:
"It's not uncommon for a cheated-on partner to resolve to forgive, but then find that this is harder than expected. Those affected ask themselves to what extent they can still trust their own perception and why they were unable to notice what was going on behind their back. The betrayed person's mistrust is often directed at themselves, which makes the loss of trust particularly painful. An opportunity is enough for an infidelity, the relationship itself does not have to have been in crisis, which is why many couples do not bother to work through the reasons. But working on the relationship is more important for forgiveness than many people think."

Magdalena (62) from Erfurt:
"I can't forgive myself "

"It happened over three years ago. I went to Cologne for a weekend to visit old friends. I'd already had my eye on Bernd during my studies, but I always thought it was one-sided. That weekend, he confessed to me that he had also been in love with me back then," explains Magdalena. One thing led to another and the two ended up in bed together. Magdalena enjoys the tingling, the intensity of these feelings. But the next morning she is plagued by a guilty conscience. How could she have done this to her husband Ralf? "I felt so selfish. I wanted to tell him the truth straight away," she says. Ralf reacts very maturely and forgives the love of his life for his infidelity. The problem: She can't forgive herself and has been blaming herself ever since.

This is what the expert says:
"What do I miss in my partnership? What did my affair have that my partner doesn't? Such questions almost always plague those who experienced feelings in an outside relationship that they no longer feel in their marriage. People who wish for their euphoric infatuation back and for whom the security of having arrived seems too little. In this case, I see the danger that Magdalena doesn't want to admit to herself that she is missing something with Matthias. Perhaps she wants him to make a decision for her that she can't make herself."

Christine (66) from Heidelberg:
"Did it have to be my girlfriend? "

It's a betrayal you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy: Christine's husband cheated on her with her best friend. "Two years ago, my husband told me that he wanted a divorce because he had met a woman. I only found out later that this woman was my best friend at the time. I was together with my husband for 37 years and we have three children," says Christine. But the fact that Günther betrayed and cheated on her for months with her supposed best friend was unimaginable for Christine. "Heidi is a few years younger than Günther and me. I met her ten years ago through mutual friends. Since then, we've been one heart and one soul. We went out for a stroll, talked and could tell each other everything," says Christine. But two years ago, Heidi suddenly separated from her husband. She wants to feel herself again, to enjoy life anew. "I would never have guessed that this meant she would take my husband away from me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone again after this betrayal."

The expert says:
"A one-off infidelity is usually easier to forgive than an affair. To hide a longer-lasting relationship, you have to lie, deceive and cheat. If the partner then leaves for a woman who was supposedly their best friend, then the betrayal experienced is doubled. The two people who were closest to her have betrayed her - leaving her with serious damage to her self-esteem. In order to regain trust, trauma therapy is often advisable in such cases.Depending onhow the relationship went, such a separation experience can be dealt with in different ways."