So the other evening, I struck up a conversation with a woman over a drink in my favorite bar. The lady, attractive, very slim, well-groomed and of mature age, obviously attached a lot of importance to her appearance. We exchanged a few compliments back and forth and then we were on the subject. Attractiveness and feminine charms. And then she said something that really affected me. In their sexual fantasies, men only dreamed of Hollywood beauties and switched off the lights at home during sex so that they didn't have to see the wrinkles and imperfections of their wives' bodies. What touched me so much was the way she said it, resignedly, as if it were an unalterable fact. And I couldn't convince her that so many men love their wives the way they are. And that she too can be loved the way she is. Her hurt from the experiences she had had was too deeply rooted.
A beautiful body alone is not enough
Honestly, a beautiful body is certainly not a flaw and certainly not a criterion for exclusion. But is that really what sex and love are all about? Nooooo! Nooooo! Sure, the media is full of supposedly perfect bodies and we all know that Photoshop can work wonders. It's certainly no crime to imagine Scarlett Johansson or Bastian Schweinsteiger in unrestrained passion during solo sex. Sexual fantasies during lovemaking with your partner are just as much a part of it. Who and what you imagine and whether you share this with your partner or not is up to you.
If it is really only about the quick sexual experience, the person we have sex with is not so important as a personality. In this case, physical attractiveness counts far more than personality. After all, it's the only thing we perceive about the other person. And if we are with someone we don't really love, but remain in the relationship for various reasons, it is almost impossible to accept and love any shortcomings, be they physical or personal. This is exactly what usually leads to devaluing the other person and possibly even turning off the light in the bedroom so as not to have to look at the other person. If you find yourself in such a situation, you should think less about your figure and more about the problems in the relationship and ask yourself where this devaluation comes from and whether you can work on it.
If, on the other hand, we really fall in love with a person and accept and respect their strengths, weaknesses, preferences, idiosyncrasies, rough edges and value them as a person in their own right, then we have more in common than lust. Then it's about intimacy and trust. The body becomes part of this person and this intimate relationship. Then we don't need an astral body. And the changes that come with ageing or pregnancy are also integrated into this love.
A positive aura makes you attractive
That sounds logical and you might be nodding your head and thinking, yes, she's right, I agree. But it doesn't help, so many women and men still have a very clear idea of what makes them the only thing that makes them attractive - namely a perfect body. They train, apply mascara, cut, diet and almost forget what else is inside each of us: a wonderful person with rough edges who deserves to be loved for their own sake. That's why I say, look less in the mirror for flaws. Look at your strengths, ask your families, your partners, your friends, your work colleagues what they like about you. Look at what you are good at. And really, everyone is really good at something! A positive aura irons out many a wrinkle on your body. So please never forget: you are great just the way you are!