Does having sex once a week really make you happy?

So, now we know for sure: having sex once a week makes you happy. At least that's what a study published at the end of 2015 seems to have found. Psychologists in Canada surveyed around 30,000 people to find out to what extent satisfaction in a relationship and in life in general is linked to sexual activity. And lo and behold, the happiest couples actually have sex once a week. Those who have less sex are less happy, but more sex does not make them happier. That's great. No more nagging when she or he wants more. "Darling, we've already had sex this week. That's enough. Be happy". But is it really that simple?

via Tanja Seiffert

05/14/2020, 16:51

According to a study, having sex just once a week makes you happy!

If we are average, we are satisfied

The psychologists have provided a simple explanation for the link between weekly sex and satisfaction: "Perhaps couples feel satisfied as long as they think they have sex as often as the average couple their age."

Ha! There we have it. I guess it's human nature to compare ourselves with others. It's not for nothing that there are an infinite number of sporting competitions and salary comparison portals and it's not for nothing that we need grades in schools. We live in a competitive world and are always looking out for others. For our inner coordinate system, we want to determine our social and personal value. Are we better, worse, can we do more than the others or less?

This is also the case in sexuality in particular:

What do the others do? What is normal? Are we normal? As individuals and as a couple.
Above all, we are driven by the question of how much sex is normal. Once? Twice? Five times? In a week? A month? In a year?

Because if we have the feeling that everyone else has more or less, something seems to be wrong with us. And that makes us unhappy. So we constantly measure ourselves against others in order to find out whether everything is alright with us. Otherwise we wouldn't have to constantly measure penis lengths, coitus frequencies or intravaginal ejaculation times (IELT). This is the time a penis spends in the vagina until ejaculation. Two minutes, ten, thirty? If we are under or over this, we immediately have a sexual problem, because after all, everyone else can last longer or come earlier.

We should pay much more attention to ourselves

How do we know what the average really is? And who do we want to compare ourselves with? With people who have just fallen in love? With other parents who seem to be happy? To do this, we first have to look behind the facade. Because when it comes to our love life, we are often not honest with others or even ourselves. Who likes to admit that things aren't going so well at the moment?

We focus far too much on others instead of concentrating on ourselves and our own feelings and paying attention to how we feel. If we are doing well in the relationship, if we feel cared for and valued, if we are satisfied, then it doesn't matter whether we have sex once a day, once a week or once a month. Then we are content to make love whenever and as often as we like.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION