Marie (31) from Lüneburg

"Something committed is not for me", "I live the best of both worlds", says Marie. She is a so-called "mingle". The trendy term is made up of the words "single" and "mixed". What does that mean? Marie is in a semi-relationship. She has a boyfriend with whom she meets up regularly. They sleep together, go to the movies or to parties - but they are not a couple. When they don't see each other, they go on dates with no strings attached. "It's important that you talk about it honestly and that both of you are clear that it's not a committed relationship."

What does Marie like so much about being single? "I enjoy closeness when I need it, but at the same time I don't have to torture myself with relationship issues, I'm free. For professional reasons, I don't have any time for anything permanent - at least not at the moment."

Stefan (34) and Sophia (35) from Munich

"We're staying together - because of our daughter" "We were very much in love at first," says Sophia. She and Stefan met in 2012 through mutual friends. They quickly moved in together. They went out often and traveled a lot. "We weren't just a couple, we were best friends." The situation changed when Daniela was born in 2014.

While Sophia is fully absorbed in her role as a mother, Stefan is about to change jobs. He works a lot and is rarely at home. They both lovingly look after their daughter, but as a couple they no longer do anything together. Finally, they have a clarifying conversation. "We realized that we still liked each other, but that our love had somehow faded." However, they still don't want to split up for the time being - mainly because of Daniela. They want to give her a carefree childhood. But there is also a practical reason for the decision: They couldn't afford two decent apartments in Munich at the moment.

Andrea (45) and Thorsten (47) from Erfurt

"The open marriage solved our crisis" "At first, I found the idea of opening up our relationship quite bizarre," says Andrea. She has been married to Thorsten for twelve years. They are actually happy, but they don't always agree on a sexual level. Andrea feels pleasure much less often than her husband. A feeling that intensifies after the birth of their two children. They are both sure of their love, but the mood is often tense. "I sometimes slept with him just to make things more harmonious again."
Both are more than aware that the situation cannot go on like this.

Finally, Thorsten hesitantly broaches the subject of an open relationship. After much thought and discussion, Andrea agrees to the proposal. They lay down precise rules as to how much freedom Thorsten is allowed to take. However, Andrea doesn't want to know too many details about his encounters. Is she jealous? "A little, but I can deal with it better now. It's important to stay in contact with each other."

Bettina (48) from Dillenburg

"Getting married? Out of the question!" "Once and never again," Bettina emphasizes and raises her hands imploringly. She was married for 15 years and was very happy at first. "I was sure he was the love of my life." They bought a terraced house with a garden together and had two children. But over the years, their happiness became increasingly overshadowed. "He always spent more time at the office than at home." Bettina felt neglected. Unloved. Their shared interests also drifted apart. "We really had nothing in common anymore." When the two of them aren't avoiding each other, they almost only argue.

When her husband files for divorce, Bettina is still hit hard. "From then on, everything was a miserable struggle." The divorce cost her nerves and time and, above all, a lot of money. Plus the dispute over custody of the two children. When her divorce was finally finalized, Bettina felt exhausted and miserable, but also made a decision: Getting married again is no longer an option for her. "Of course I don't want to stay single forever, but I now think that you can't be truly happy with the same partner in the long term."

The Idee für mich podcast on the topic:

Also listen to our podcast on the topics of "Pathological jealousy" and "Open relationship".