The older you get, the less reliable your erections become and the longer the recovery phases last in between. It is no longer the thought of an erotic experience, the whiff of an odor or the sight of naked skin that causes the penis to swell. While in adolescence it stretches and straightens seemingly uncontrollably at the most inopportune moments, later it refuses to do its job seemingly just as uncontrollably and instead just lies there lazily.

On the other hand, at some point there are no more embarrassing situations due to these uncontrollable erections at the most inopportune moments. The later the phase of life, the more manual dexterity and tongue skills are required from your partner. Lust also disappears from time to time. Now you might think that this situation could lead to general sexual dissatisfaction. Far from it.

Quality instead of quantity

Sexual satisfaction does not decrease with age. It is true that erectile dysfunction is the most common reason for visiting a sexual consultation, alongside premature ejaculation. But the quality of the erection has no direct influence on the subjective experience of sexuality. Because, to come back to Ingmar Bergmann, the view is widening.

Coitus is often at the center of erotic events. When this path becomes more difficult, other sexual practices become more important. Tenderness, petting, sexual fantasies - a man approaches female desires with relish. This new way of making love also increases closeness and intimacy in the relationship. The partners can approach each other in a completely different way and devote more time to each other. It's about quality, not quantity. Harmony and intimacy play a greater role and so satisfaction with the relationship also increases with age.

The pressure must be taken off

A man should also bear this in mind before he expectantly asks the doctor for a prescription to pimp his erection. PDE-5 inhibitors such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra provide a wonderful erection in most cases. But this is not what makes a good lover. Many a woman even faints at the sight of it, having thought that the pressure to perform was finally over.

And here we are again. The pressure has to come out. Our lives are changing, our bodies are changing, our sexuality is changing. We should accept that. Those who chase after youthful virility into old age are quickly plagued by fear of failure, they start to constantly observe themselves and thus take away the pleasure. I wonder how men like the former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi feel when their sexual prowess not only attracts the attention of the public, but also that of the judiciary. Is this still about lust at all or is it just a display of power? And who is actually supposed to be impressed by this? Well, it's not me.

What options are there to boost erectile function?

A penis that is not or not fully erect is not an obstacle to a fulfilling love life. Conversely, however, this does not mean that neither younger nor older men should pay attention to their health ☺ All too often the idea arises that a penis leads a life of its own, completely detached from the will of its owner. But the image of a life of its own is not quite true. A penis is part of a man and also part of his life:

- A penis is sensitive, it senses the fears and inhibitions that block the head.
- It suffers when there are problems at work or in relationships.
- A penis has its share of the nutrients that we supply to our body through food.
- It smokes, drinks and parties just as much.
- A penis benefits from the sporting activities of its owner. Or not, if the owner does not exercise.
- And diseases don't stop at the pubic bone either.

Every man should bear all this in mind when he looks at his sleeping best friend in bewilderment and feels abandoned. But what can you do?

1. medical examination

I don't want to cause panic here, but prolonged erection problems can be a sign of heart disease. Underlying diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes mellitus, testosterone deficiency or inflammation of the prostate can also be the cause. There are andrologists who deal in particular with reproductive functions and their disorders. These doctors have a comprehensive overview of all causes and can refer you to the appropriate specialists if necessary.

2. side effects of medication

Some medications cause erectile dysfunction as a side effect. The connection is often not immediately apparent because the problem emerges gradually. If you regularly take medication, e.g. for high blood pressure, tranquillizers or psychotropic drugs, you should find out about the side effects and discuss them with your doctor.

3. overweight

What about your girth? Can you still see your penis without a mirror? If not, he should seriously consider losing weight. Not for aesthetic reasons, but for the sake of the penis. After all, being overweight or obese also has a major impact on erectile function.

4 Cigarettes and alcohol

The same applies to alcohol and nicotine. We know that neither is healthy. But as long as nothing happens, we simply ignore it. Or we refer to experts who claim that a glass of wine, a beer or a vodka with garlic are beneficial to our health. That may be true. But when it comes to the stability of our own penis, we shouldn't experiment.

5. stress factors

What factors in life trigger stress? If there is an opportunity to change something - then do it! But sometimes there is simply nothing you can do about the situation. Instead, you can work on your inner attitude. Relaxation and mindfulness exercises promote well-being and can lead to greater serenity.

6. partnership

How is your relationship going? Do you talk to each other about your wishes and ideas? Especially when it comes to your love life? Do you both feel safe, accepted and appreciated? Problems in the relationship, jealousy, dissatisfaction or different ideas about life are transferred to the penis. It is difficult to get to the bottom of this on your own. Psychotherapy or sex therapy can help here.

7 Sexual abuse

Not only women experience sexual abuse. Men can also be victims of sexual violence, as we have been hearing and reading in the media again and again, especially recently. Such traumatic experiences have an impact on our experience of sexuality, even if we may think that it all happened so long ago. It is almost impossible to cope with this alone. In these cases, psychotherapy or sex therapy is also recommended.

Different causes often come together or are mutually dependent

Erectile dysfunction due to medication can lead to psychological problems and also put a strain on the relationship. On the other hand, stress in the relationship can affect erectile function. And so it is not always clear at first glance what the real cause is. That's why it makes sense to get help. In addition, we often have far too high expectations of ourselves or our partners when it comes to sexuality. We often believe that we always have to function. As if we were machines. But we are not. It can happen that we don't feel like it, don't get an erection or don't climax. If we then panic, we may set off a vicious circle. Fear of failure and overly intense self-observation are pleasure killers and block us. So, first of all, stay calm and think about what could have led to a one-off "failure":

- New love?
- Partied too long?
- Were your thoughts on your job?

If the problems drag on for a long time, it helps to see a doctor or therapist.

Getting older is an opportunity for erotic experience!

If we draw on our life experience, most of us realize that we find it easier to talk about our desires, live out our fantasies, give and receive love as we get older. And the best part is that those who are still in the early stages of this ageing process are learning to talk about their own sexuality as they become more open about it. I would say that the course has been set, we just have to choose the right path.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION