It doesn't just depend on a particular partner. We also react differently to the same partner in different situations. Even though the type of touch or stimulation remains the same. What's behind this?

The brain is the largest erogenous zone

The solution can be found in the reference to great love. It is the brain that activates our erogenous zones and gives or denies us intense feelings. The er ogenous zones are spread all over the body. However, they are somewhat hidden and only venture out into the light of day or night when we are aroused. Until then, they lead a shadowy existence, so to speak. During this time, touch is not only not perceived as arousing, it can even be unpleasant. Our nipples are a good example of this. When we're in the mood, whether we're a woman or a man, a light caress, even the slightest touch, can send us into a tizzy. If, on the other hand, we are preoccupied with something completely different, it feels completely different. A direct touch to the breast can even be perceived as invasive. The G-spot is also a special mystery. Without arousal, stimulation does not feel particularly exciting. It is often compared to the feeling of the urge to urinate. But if we are in the mood and the glands fill with fluid, then oooooh! The same applies to the prostate.

But how do we get into this special mood? Arousal is triggered by an arousal stimulus. And this is very different for us humans and can vary again and again. For the woman in our example, it was her lover himself. Just the thought of him, his smell, his physical presence, a certain look inflamed this woman. For others, it may be images, a hot text message, certain music, a dream, vows of love or dirty words breathed into the ear that trigger a whirlwind of lust. The other person's desire, which shows me how much I am desired, can also trigger an intense feeling. So the excitement first arises in the head and only then shoots into the body. It always depends on the meaning we attribute to this stimulus. This is why these stimuli can also change. While with one partner the thought of last night may excite us, with another it may be the way he holds our head with both hands while kissing us.

Body and mind are inextricably linked

However, the best stimulation can also fizzle out if we are tormented by negative thoughts, professional or personal stress or even anger. Depression is another major obstacle. If we don't feel like living, our sexual energy also suffers. All of this can lead to us being unable to allow arousing thoughts and feelings in the first place. And then it doesn't matter who touches us or what we think or look at. Body and mind are closely linked.

Anja Drews - sexologist for ORION