Getting to know someone again as a mother? That was something that I had immediately put off after divorcing my husband Rolf. I only wanted to think about myself and my daughter Lilli. Until the day I met Dirk... We met at the gym where I was working at reception. And there was an instant spark. But at the same time I got scared, because I already had a daughter and was divorced. What if that put him off? When Dirk and I sat opposite each other in the restaurant on our first date, I wondered: should I say now that I had "old problems"? Or should I wait and see? While it was going back and forth in my head, Dirk said quite normally: "By the way, I have two daughters, they've been living with me since I got divorced. Do you have children too?"

What about the children?

The ice was broken - and a load off my mind. We got on really well and quickly became a couple... Soon we were curious about each other's apartments. But what about the children? I hadn't told Lilli about Dirk yet. I wanted to wait and see how firm we both became. Dirk was completely different: "Daniela and Lara already know. We always talk openly about everything," he said. Where did he get this certainty from? It was also his first divorce. I urgently needed to change something. I spoke to Lilli that same evening. Unfortunately, she didn't take the news well. "Just because Dad doesn't want to know anything more about us doesn't mean you have to have a new one," she said sadly. The fact that her father had left us overnight for another woman without ever contacting Lilli again had of course hurt her deeply. She just needed more time to come to terms with this pain.

A difficult first meeting

"Don't put her under pressure. Let her get to know me when she's ready," said Dirk the next day. "And until then, you can get to know my daughters and inspect my apartment." A week later, he introduced me to Daniela and Lara. They were very nice to me. But when I told Lilli about it, she didn't like it: "Now you're spending time with him and his children instead of me," she reproached me. "I want to get to know them too," she added defiantly. So I organized a meeting the next week, the first of our new patchwork family. The first hour was difficult as Lilli blocked Dirk's every attempt at conversation. But eventually she thawed out. And in the end, the three girls went outside to play together. Dirk and I looked at each other and thought the same thing: Uff, that was hard work. And it was only just beginning.

One says "Giddap!", the other "Giddap!"

After all, we wanted to live together at some point. After six months, I asked Lilli what she thought. To my astonishment, she agreed. But the problems started after the move: One of the girls was constantly jealous. Lilli was especially often, as she was alone against two siblings. There were constant conflicts: what Dirk allowed Lara to do, I unwittingly forbade Lilli to do at the same time. Even little things like snacks became a problem: Dirk always gave his girls white bread to take to school. We had wholemeal bread. Of course, Lilli now also preferred white bread. It was like that all the time.

What's more, since we started living together, there were always problems with Dirk's wife: every weekend she wanted to do something with Lara and Daniela. And not only that: Dirk was supposed to be there. "For the girls," she said. But of course I knew that she wanted to drive a wedge between us. But with lots of conversations and activities together, we mastered the situation. After a year, we had almost become a real patchwork family. Just in time, because I was pregnant again.

Everyone loves the baby boy

Our little Leon is two today - and the girls adore him. Dirk and I want to get married next year. Because only then will we both have legal custody of our stepchildren. This means that, for example, I could also decide on an operation for Lara if Dirk and his ex-wife are unavailable. We are also considering adopting each other's children. Otherwise, stepchildren are at a disadvantage in terms of inheritance rights, for example. But these are decisions that still have time to be made.

Today, I would say that we are coping well with the patchwork family project. Lilli, Daniela and Lara are getting on really well now. Leon is the baby of the family, loved by everyone. And Lilli knows one thing for sure: no matter what comes next, she will always be my number one priority.

Where children from patchwork families have advantages

1 They are more successful in their professional lives
Studies show: Children from patchwork families have advantages in their jobs. This is because they have learned to be tactful and diplomatic earlier than others.

2 They are less afraid of change
Children who have experienced constant change from an early age are more likely to view new situations as a challenge.

3 They have mature social skills
Due to the close contact with additional people in the family, they are practiced in adapting to different characters and personalities.

4 They are better at dealing with conflict
As they have had to deal with significantly more confrontations for a long time, they know how to resolve conflicts peacefully and work out solutions together.

5 They are stronger in communication
Children from patchwork families find it easier to communicate their wishes and needs. This is because they had to learn to do so in order to assert themselves in the new constellation.