We don't know whether there might be more to come. I praise films like "Secretary" with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader. The whole movie is one big prelude. Every movement, every gesture and, later in the film, every action is sexually tinged. The two play with each other and get closer in this way. It becomes clear what is possible beyond the sexual act. And that's exactly what it's all about: turning each other on before the actual lovemaking, awakening the imagination, stimulating the senses and playing with lust. We also want to get out of the everyday sex routine. To do this, we need to break new ground.
Get out of bed!
Sex in the bedroom? Yes, it's cozy, familiar, cuddly. But what about changing the location? Sex on the balcony, in the kitchen, in the hallway or even somewhere else entirely? Sex in unusual places is an adventure. And adventures bring people together and create excitement. It's not about the perfect lovemaking and the best orgasm, but rather about the thrill. The thought of being caught can act like an aphrodisiac! And then there's the planning! If you don't want to wait for the right opportunity. And there are so many unusual places: Changing rooms, parks at night, a dark backyard, a deserted beach. You can certainly think of many more. Later, you can use these arousing thoughts to get yourself going again and again. "Do you remember how I unbuttoned your pants in the dark that night and played with your best piece?" Just don't get caught! Sex in public is considered a public nuisance. And there's a fine for that.
Share your most secret fantasies!
The right words can really stimulate our imagination. Whether breathed over the phone, sent as a hot text message or spoken to a voicemail: "What I wouldn't do with you if you were with me right now." If we don't have to look the other person in the eye, we can even let go of the inhibitions that otherwise prevent us from openly communicating our desires. In a self-written erotic story, we can let our imagination run wild. And once we have put it down on paper, we can perhaps even read it to the other person in an erotic moment. It's not even about realizing everything exactly like this. Just knowing that it could be like this and that the other person has secret fantasies gets the pulse racing.
Sex toys to go
Sex toys are officially making their way into German bedrooms. However, I don't see any of this in Hollywood movies yet. No vibrators, plugs, handcuffs or vibro-eggs. I understand that the actual application does not belong in front of the camera. But there are also hardly any hints, apart from "Sex and the City" or "Shades of Grey". You can also play with sex toys very well. Remote-controlled vibro-eggs placed in the vagina can lead to unexpected blushes in a restaurant. Or during a reading or a visit to an exhibition. Just the idea of being at our lover's mercy puts us in high spirits. And knowing that hot lingerie is hidden under her clothes sends his senses into overdrive. Especially when she slips him her panties after the starter...
Eroticism begins in the mind
If we always follow the same pattern, we quickly lose our desire. And if we limit ourselves to the physical activities in our partner's bed, we lose a large part of our sexual vitality. We are more than our bodies, we are also our fantasies. Sex is about having fun, laughing together, sharing something special and feeling like a sexual being. We want to be desired and to desire. Arousal first arises in the mind. Orgasm is a wonderful conclusion to this game. But there is so much to experience together on the way there that it is sometimes no longer so important.
Anja Drews - sexologist for ORION