Marianne (53): "He's married, doesn't want to separate - that's good"

"I've been with Stefan for 25 years. We get on really well, but we've lost a bit of steam in bed. He's also become so comfortable and has put on a bit of weight. The other day we went for a drink with colleagues and in the end it was just Sven and me. We actually snuck into the park like teenagers and made out wildly. And I finally got that tingling feeling in my stomach again. He's also married and doesn't want to break up. We're both enjoying it - as long as it goes well."

Ariane (37): " I would love to be faithful to him. But I just can't do it"

"I've always been rather adventurous and get bored easily. I'm much more interested in the game, the flirting, the excitement. You could say I'm in love with being in love. Of course, sex is also important, that's what almost everything in life is about anyway. But what is more exciting than the first furtive glance, the slow approach to the other person, the first touch, the first kiss? I've had a steady boyfriend for three years and Alex has no idea that I cheat from time to time. It's not difficult, because he's often away on business. I would like to be faithful - but life is far too short, isn't it? I'm currently having an affair with a handsome young construction worker from Romania, I met him when our stairwell was being renovated. He hardly speaks any German, but he doesn't have to. Sex with him is great, it's a lot of fun, and that's the main thing."

Melly (29): "I can live out my fantasies with him"

"I met John six months ago on the Kiez, we went to see him the same evening. It was the best sex of my life because I was finally able to live out my S&M fantasies, he ticks just like me. I can't and don't want to do that with my husband, it's completely out of his hands. John and I meet up twice a month, it's just great."

Belinda (42): "My childhood sweetheart is back with me"

"Jonas was my childhood sweetheart, we broke up because he moved to another city to study. We met again six weeks ago, by chance. We're in love again. And how! But we're married - no idea what will happen ..."

Tatjana (39): " The secrecy is terrible. I'd like to confess everything"

"The affair with Lukas was really fun. He's my second husband, he always jokes. He doesn't have a problem with it, but I'm increasingly getting one. First of all, there's my guilty conscience. What am I doing to my husband? It's increasingly on the tip of my tongue to confess everything to Thomas. I'm also finding it increasingly difficult to come up with excuses. My best friend gives me alibis, but very reluctantly. In the beginning it was really great with Lukas, the sex was awesome, we had weightless fun. But now it's weighing on me more and more. I'm afraid I have to end it, I can't do it anymore. I don't know if Thomas would forgive me if I confessed."

Why do we cheat? What the expert says

Dr. Ulrich Weber is a psychotherapist and coach in Hamburg. Here he answers the most important questions about affairs and cheating.

Are you susceptible even if the relationship itself is going well?

If things are not going well, the likelihood of an affair is much higher. But it also depends on the cheater's personality. Some strive for recognition, others suffer from fear of commitment. Or sexual desire is unevenly distributed.

Can an affair revitalize a relationship?

In the long run, it's poison for the relationship. Above all, the game of hide-and-seek costs a lot of energy. But sometimes it can also be invigorating. In this case, however, both partners should be clearly in favor of an open relationship.

So is an infidelity the beginning of the end?

It can be, especially if you are seriously in love. You should ask yourself: Why did I enter into this affair in the first place? What am I missing? Sex? Communication? Understanding? Asking the right questions can also revitalize a relationship.

Is there a time when you should end an affair?

When you have made a clear decision for one person. Marriage and an affair, both over a longer period of time, doesn't work.

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