1. when the penis says hello: sex during pregnancy

Yay, finally done: the baby is in labor! And this baby is developing from a harmless accumulation of small cells into a real human being. It grows and grows, at some point it moves and is recognizable on the ultrasound image. The baby has arms, legs, a cute little tummy and, above all, a head with eyes. And it is precisely these eyes that open from the 26th week of pregnancy and roll around cheerfully. Can they see anything? We don't know. But many a man is frightened by the idea that the first thing his child might see is his father's penis. And of course there is also the fear that something could happen to the child if this penis penetrates the mother too deeply. So what about sex during pregnancy? Don't worry, (almost) anything is possible.

A perfect time for oral pleasure

If a pregnancy is unproblematic, there's nothing wrong with sex! And nothing against intercourse either, if I may point out with this remark that sex is more than just a penis in the vagina.  Cunnilingus is wonderfully relaxing. Just lie on your back and enjoy. It's certainly a very special experience when your partner can't even see her lover over her belly. An expectant mother can also take care of her partner's penis and give him oral pleasure.

The baby is well protected during intercourse

Let's move on to the final stage: during coitus, the baby is protected by the amniotic fluid from injuries caused by bumps and jolts. But which position is best? Lying on your stomach becomes very uncomfortable at some point in the later stages of pregnancy. The four-footed position or lying relaxed on your side are the best options. He can wrap his arms around his sweetheart and give her an additional feeling of security.

Try out what makes you feel comfortable

That was the practical side. Let's move on to the emotional changes. During pregnancy, the blood supply to the pelvis increases. The nipples also become more sensitive. For some women, this can lead to a stronger sensation of pleasure. Other women, on the other hand, find touching unpleasant right now and develop less desire for sex. This varies greatly and also has a lot to do with your personal attitude towards sex and your own body. Those who don't feel like it anyway or feel overwhelmed by the immense physical changes - and this should not be underestimated! - are even more likely to be inhibited. It would therefore make sense for your partner to support their loved one as much as they can and show them that they are the queen even with their temporary fullness.

Be careful with sexually transmitted infections

There are two more health aspects: the mucus plug that closes the cervix prevents the baby from becoming infected. And a baby cannot see through it. So it won't see the penis, that's for sure. However, if one of the parents is acutely suffering from a sexually transmitted infection, condoms should be used and a doctor consulted.

Relaxed sex at the right time helps to induce labor

And if you're worried that semen could induce labor, I'd also like to reassure you. It is true that seminal fluid contains so-called prostaglandins, which are taken in the form of suppositories, gels or tablets to induce labor. If mother and child are not yet ready to give birth, nothing can happen during sex. But since relaxed women go into labor more easily than tired and exhausted ones, relaxed sex at the right time could well have a birth-promoting effect! So it can only be a good thing if the uninhibited sex gives way to a phase of feel-good cuddly sex.

2. six facts you should consider for sex after giving birth

It's done: the newborn has seen the light of day and delights his parents as well as everyone else who catches a glimpse of the newborn. A duo has become a trio. Now the parents have to adjust to the completely different circumstances:

They are no longer just lovers. They are now first and foremost parents and are responsible for the new life.

And this life keeps them busy all day long. Being alone as a couple is a thing of the past. The only time they can now enjoy their togetherness is when the baby is fast asleep. Assuming that both of them are in the mood for a little romp right then, they ask themselves how long they should wait after the birth. Yes, when can they start their sexual adventures again?

Six weeks after the birth, the body is usually ready again

During birth, the baby has to squeeze through the birth canal and therefore through the pelvis, the pelvic floor muscles, the uterine orifice and the vagina. Does that sound exhausting? It is! Everything is stretched and widened and then there can also be an episiotomy or tear. In 2010, almost one in three women who gave birth naturally had an episiotomy as a precautionary measure. This first has to heal, which can take up to six weeks. It can also take just as long for the uterus to heal.

When a lover becomes a mother, both partners are affected

However, only around 10% of all new parents feel like having sex during this time. The changes are too radical, both in everyday life and in the psyche. She is now a mother and no longer "just" a lover and he has to come to terms with the fact that a baby has emerged from the vagina that was previously full of lust. This is particularly difficult for the men who were present at the birth and have watched this painful and nerve-wracking process very closely. It is therefore quite normal for both of them to lose their desire for sex.

Postnatal exercises for the vagina

After pregnancy, some women have the feeling that their vagina is wider than before giving birth and that they can no longer feel their partner's penis as well.

- This may be due to the fact that muscles, tendons and ligaments are stretched enormously during childbirth.
- After the birth, however, the muscles of the vaginal wall and pelvic floor become firmer and stronger on their own.
- The vagina itself also contracts again shortly after birth. Nature has already arranged this quite well.

Targeted postnatal gymnastics also supports this process. There are certain exercises that help to strengthen the abdominal and pelvic floor muscles and tighten the tissue. The fear of a "worn out" vagina is therefore unfounded.

It doesn't always have to be sex

During breastfeeding, the vagina becomes less moist. This is due to a lack of oestrogen. This can lead to unpleasant friction during coitus. Don't panic, it will all settle down again later! And in the meantime, you can use additional lubricant to help.

But who says it always has to be sexual intercourse? How about a few cuddles, sensual touches and pleasant massages first? This is also good for the breasts, which are particularly stressed and often hypersensitive due to breastfeeding. Both partners need time to get used to their love life again. And quite honestly, both of you alone determine the pace at which this happens.

Breastfeeding is not a safe method of contraception!

Speaking of breastfeeding: At this point, I also have some important information for you. There is a rumor circulating that breastfeeding is a form of contraception. And it is indeed true that the increased prolactin level has an inhibiting effect on ovulation. Inhibited, but not suspended! Theoretically, pregnancy is already possible again with the first period.

- The website familienplanung.de of the Federal Center for Health Education states: "As long as she breastfeeds exclusively and regularly at least six times a day, does not feed and does not yet have a period, there is a high, but not completely safe, level of protection against conception. If a woman wants to be sure that she won't get pregnant again, she needs a suitable contraceptive."

The most suitable method in each individual case should be discussed with your doctor.

Mental well-being plays a major role

As soon as all the birth wounds have healed, love life can theoretically begin again. Some couples have already made their first attempts. Others, however, need more time, sometimes up to a year or more. This varies greatly and has a lot to do with personal perception.

- Most women need longer than the first six weeks before they feel mentally ready for sex again.
- Their body has not yet adjusted hormonally. Above all, however, it has changed rapidly in a very short period of time.
- Many women do not yet feel attractive again during the recovery period.
- Fear of pain and constant tiredness certainly play a major role on both sides.

A couple should think about this, because many women would like to be ready for their partner again. However, they end up in conflict because they may not feel ready yet. That's why I would advise taking things slowly. And it's very important to talk about it so that your partner doesn't blame you for this lack of desire!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION

Sources: eltern.de & familienplanung.de