Reducing stress is her job, but Klara has always found it difficult to do this with herself. "Klara, you have magic hands! I feel like I've been reborn," enthuses the customer and leaves the practice where Klara works as a physiotherapist with a cheerful wave. The 41-year-old from Delmenhorst is delighted with the praise, but then says: "It's completely crazy. When it comes to other people's tensions, I always find ways and means to help. But I haven't been able to get to grips with my own blockages for a long time." Klara now knows how important it is to learn to relax.

No way to reduce stress

The wife and mother of Peter and Karin has had a difficult time. "I always wanted to do my best for my family and my colleagues. The result was that I got on everyone's nerves and they withdrew from me. So there I was: alone, stressed and bitter." But Klara couldn't help herself. From an early age, she had learned from her strict mother that she was only praised and loved when she did everything right. "Just being good wasn't enough. I wanted to be perfect in all areas: a great mother, a super wife, a flawless housewife, an ideal colleague."

Klara spent every spare minute working in her household, even if nobody demanded it. She simply didn't have time to relax. "My husband Jakob never understood why I put myself under so much pressure," she admits today. The 43-year-old paramedic also enjoyed helping out: cooking, shopping, looking after the children. "And the fact that he held back on the ironing and cleaning is honestly my fault. He could never please me. I always found something to touch up. Then he didn't touch anything."

The children were also increasingly annoyed. Their cupboards had to be put away in a certain order and their rooms had to be tidy. Nothing was allowed on the worktop in the kitchen, and even the supplies in the cellar shelf had to be in order.

Perfection mania versus coping with stress in everyday life

Her obsession with perfection became even worse when she discovered the internet service Pinterest. "Every day I looked at new pictures of beautiful, homemade decorations, cakes, gateaux and cupcakes. And the women who created them so effortlessly all seemed to be well-groomed and happy. Why could they manage it all and I couldn't? I thought I was a total failure." The mood at home and at the practice got worse and worse. "I was irritable, barked at everyone and blew up at the slightest criticism," says Klara. "I was just completely overworked and exhausted."

Over time, her colleagues just avoided her, and at home Jakob asked: "Why don't you laugh again? Just put some sausage and bread on the table and then we'll play cards with the children. They don't always want to watch you scurrying around the apartment in silence." Klara was always offended after such appeals. She worked until she was exhausted and it wasn't even appreciated. That's how she saw it back then. And then the time began when her own demands got the better of her. The mountain of ironing became ever higher because she could no longer manage to iron the bed linen for four people. But Klara did something perfectly or not at all. Then the cellar no longer met her requirements - she no longer entered it. The uncleaned bicycles remained in the garage - she preferred not to cycle at all. "More and more was left lying around and I became increasingly unhappy. When Karin and Peter demanded more attention from their mom, I couldn't give any more."

"I was no longer in demand."

Klara quickly felt the consequences of this: "I was no longer in demand. When the kids wanted to have fun, they turned to Jakob." However, Klara would never have thought that the whole family would go on strike: "Shortly before Easter 2013, we were sitting at breakfast. I had already made crazy plans for everyone, like clearing out the garage and working in the garden. But then there was massive resistance."

Without us, the children announced. "You're just being annoying again and ruining everything," they said. Daughter Karin went to a friend's house for the holidays. Peter and Jakob went on a bike ride with friends.

Suddenly Klara was sitting at home all alone. Jakob's parting words were still ringing in her ears: "You're always in such a bad mood that you bring us all down. We don't want to live like that. Now you have your peace and quiet here. Maybe you could use it for something other than cleaning. Think about our marriage."

"I've realized that I really need to change."

That was when Klara's world came crashing down. "All I did was cry. But after this shock, I realized that I really had to change if I wanted to keep my family and my husband." A lot has happened since then: "I treated myself to a wellness vacation by the sea and thought about everything. Brutally honest. Since then, I've taken things much more calmly. The children are responsible for their own rooms and Jakob and I share the household. It's no longer perfect - I have to put up with that. But my children enjoy being with me again and my husband even more so. We're even having really good sex again."

Reduce stress: Tips for everyday life

Fear of failure is a bad advisor

People who strive for perfection in every area are usually deeply insecure and anxious. If you want to change, become more relaxed and calmer, you need to face your fears and reduce stress with targeted exercises.

The first step to learning to relax: having the courage to be imperfect

Always being at the forefront, doing everything on your own, is terribly exhausting in the long run. And what's the worst thing that could happen if your performance is "only" 80 percent? Like going shopping without make-up, opening a can instead of cooking yourself. Answer: Nothing happens. And: In purely mathematical terms, 100 percent is not worth it, because you need much more time for the finishing touches than for completing the entire task.

Accept limits, especially your own

Higher, faster, further, more - seems to be the measure of all things today. But it's not just at work that this principle can quickly turn you into a hamster on a wheel. You don't have to do everything at a run, because that is fatal if you want to reduce stress. It's better to stop and catch your breath! Resting doesn't mean being lazy. Everyone needs to relax to recharge their batteries and then face new challenges with renewed energy.

Allow yourself a little indulgence

There's no point in beating yourself up if something doesn't work out. Self-doubt only brings you down and makes you insecure. This also has another consequence: if you want to do everything perfectly, you often put off tasks. This is called procrastination. This can be remedied by using to-do lists: set priorities, write down what needs to be done and work through the list at your leisure.

Tips from nature

After a stressful day at work, vanilla is like balm for the soul. The power of the aroma building blocks has a balancing effect. Treat yourself to a vanilla bath: mix five drops of vanilla oil with two tablespoons of cream and pour into a full bath. Spend a maximum of two minutes thinking about what could have gone better that day. Then tick it off, say out loud: "Forget it!" and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new, imperfect day.

You might also be interested in this:
Stress management: 5 tips to get the pressure under control
Quick relaxation exercises to combat stress
Slowing down instead of speeding up: How to become a time winner
Learning to let go: How to get rid of unnecessary baggage
Stimulate the vagus nerve: How we learn to relax again
Causes of stress: how it arises and what helps