How Thorsten and I used to make fun of Manfred not so long ago. Manfred is our neighbor. He had a solid relationship for years with - yes, her name really was - Else. Then Else left him. A shock for all of us. It had an incredible effect on Manfred at the time. We laughed, secretly of course and not at all maliciously: suddenly he was squeezing his no longer quite streamlined body into tight motorcycle leathers and changing pillion riders every week. To be honest, the girls could easily have been his daughters. Thorsten just thought it was stupid at the time: "What do they want with the old geezer? Do they think he's buried a bag of money in the garden? He must realize for himself that they don't find him sexy."

I can still hear it clearly. It was clear: the man was in the middle of a midlife crisis. We thought it was funny back then. And now? Two months ago, Thorsten told me that he wanted to give up our vacation together this year. Instead, he wants to go to Australia with a group of men and do the wild things that men love: fly to a valley in a helicopter, go survival camping there and be picked up again after two weeks. Well, if it's fun ... That would have been okay for me, I'll just go to Paris with my girlfriend, we've wanted to do that for a long time.

What irritates me more is his new penchant for, well, what should I call it? Male self-discovery. Somehow he wants to discover his inner eagle and is indirectly insinuating that I've turned him into a chicken in our marriage. Shouldn't he be out of puberty for good?

Thorsten reminds me a little - or, frankly, a lot - of our son Tom. Ten years ago, when he was 16, Tom is now surprisingly mature for his age and gives me valuable tips on how to deal with Thorsten, who I should now call Thor because he's more dynamic: "Let him do it, Mom. He'll come around. Sometimes he even quotes Lao Tse: What you want to join together, you must first allow to expand properly.

Well, Thor/Thorsten is expanding a lot at the moment. The new swimming trunks he's had sent to him come to mind: tight-fitting (is that still the way you wear them?) and, er, accentuated in neon colors. In all the right places. Is he subtly pointing out that there's still something going on in these places? Sorry, but that seems obvious. If only it would stay that way! But for some time now, I've noticed that he's constantly standing in front of the mirror and pushing a strand of hair with gel from right to left. Please, who is he trying to impress with that? I hope there's nothing going on with the new colleague who was hired at his company some time ago. But I don't really think so, we've always got on really well and everything is fine in bed too. In fact, Thorsten doesn't seem to know exactly who he is at the moment.

You often hear that the older you get, the more your perceived age differs from your actual age. So a 55-year-old man can feel just as good as a 35-year-old. The fallacy is to believe that others will take this away from him. Will neon colors change that? When I ask my thunder god about his new vanity, he reacts irritably. He had always paid attention to his appearance - and what was suddenly funny about that? Unfortunately, I now often get comments from him like "What, two portions of cream with your cake? That makes you fat." He now wears one of those fitness watches on his wrist that counts his every step, and at night there are three of us in bed - the watch keeps watch and measures the phases of deep sleep.

To be honest, I find Thorsten's second puberty surprisingly joyless. I can't get anything out of the trip to Australia, the swimming trunks look funny, but now they just light up the bed-ridden pensioners in the swimming pool every morning, because Thorsten does his laps before work. Instead of steaks, he has chia seeds for lunch and only protein drinks in the evening to build up his muscles. Hello? I'd rather be a relaxed soon-to-be 50-year-old who knows how to enjoy life, that appearances are fleeting and the opinions of others aren't that important. Life is a lot more relaxed that way. At least Thorsten's transformation has one advantage: at least you don't have to iron all the Lycra stuff he wears now.

Read: The first time doesn't just happen once in a lifetime!

Tips and information on the topic: How to deal with the midlife crisis

When men enter their second puberty, things can quickly go haywire in a relationship. We asked our expert, couples therapist Miriam Fritz, how couples can not only get through this crisis together, but also use it as a completely new opportunity.

Midlife crisis: what exactly does it mean?

"It's a period of upheaval in midlife when you rethink your life up to that point. The term is mainly used for men between the ages of 40 and 55 who are experiencing a crisis of meaning, insecurity and dissatisfaction. Life goals such as marriage, raising children, building a house and a career have often been achieved and men ask themselves: "Is that all there is to it? What's next?"

Does every man go through this phase?

"Many men realize in midlife that they no longer have endless possibilities and that their body is getting older. It's understandable when you start to rebel against dissatisfaction and restriction and are desperate to prove to yourself that you're not old news. Whether a man enters this crisis also depends on how strong his self-esteem is and how much he believes he has missed out on."

What does this mean for the couple's relationship?

"If the partners don't talk to each other and the desire for change is too extreme, this leads to a lack of understanding, rejection or even a break-up. Looking for a younger girlfriend to regain more energy and shake off doubts is usually not a solution. This is because the man often ends up back in the same cycle that he broke out of."

How can I deal with this as a partner?

"It's important for both partners to keep taking stock and to be clear about their respective life goals. In the relationship, it is then crucial to talk about these needs and acknowledge them mutually: What do you need in order to feel more satisfaction again? So keep talking to each other to find out which dreams are compatible with the partnership."

Will the partnership change permanently?

"Couples should consider whether they really want to give up the many years they've spent together. And possibly take the relationship to another level: appreciate what they have achieved and consciously redesign the second half of their lives. There is not just this one crisis, but every person goes through a transition phase every ten years or so. These times of change are an opportunity to develop together and realize your wishes."

Our book tip:
"It's just a phase, bunny. A consolation book for pubescents" by Maxim Leo and Jochen Gutsch. In their book, the authors address all aspects of the tragic-comic phenomenon of age puberty. It is often upsetting and always quite funny. For example, when men over 45 rediscover themselves in wetsuits and we women take refuge in spiritual experiences (or in making jam). Great fun! And the good feeling that others are no different. 12 euros. Ullstein Publishing House