I will never forget it: A new love affair didn't get off to a good start. We had breakfast together for the first time at his house. There was plenty to eat and drink. But then my new boyfriend actually disappeared behind his newspaper! And he didn't come out again voluntarily.
It was only when I started to grumble unhappily that the newspaper was lowered and I was met with an astonished look: "But I do that every morning!" Really? I blurted out with little repartee: "But not now? With me?! At the beginning of our relationship?!" The day didn't go so well. And what can I say, the rest of his behavior wasn't exactly characterized by attention and appreciation either. "I love you," he said quite often. Yeah yeah. It just doesn't help if the way you treat each other feels different. The story took its course and the relationship didn't end quickly, but it ended all the more bumpily.
We can show appreciation in different ways
Words are one thing, behavior is another. We have so many opportunities to show our love non-verbally with gestures, a smile, attentive listening or a hug. And it is precisely this showing that is so important. Appreciation makes us feel cared for, accepted and loved. The same also applies to our other friendships. Gestures count here too. If your boyfriend or girlfriend can't take their eyes off their smartphone when we meet and we talk into the void, we don't feel like we're in good hands either. Unless we are engaged in the same way. And that brings me to the first point:
1. get rid of the smartphone: these days, it's not so much the newspaper that distracts us as the smartphone. It's often the first thing we look at when we wake up. Has someone thought of us and sent us a message or an email? New likes on Facebook? News on other social networks? What about the network on the pillow right next to us? Later, we have a dinner date. Our partner or we check the display every few minutes. It could be something important. And then we're both lying in bed with our smartphone or tablet in front of us. We're stuck in these habits and don't even realize that we're drifting apart as a result.
➢ We need new rituals here: it would be much nicer to consciously talk to our partner during this time. A loving wake-up call, a little attention, perhaps some lovemaking. And when we meet again, we agree on a smartphone-free time. A time in which we tell each other about the day and our feelings and listen to each other. And maybe erotic topics will also come up.
2. cook a favorite meal: I have friends for whom cooking is a fixed ritual. They indulge in cookbooks and culinary magazines, shop together, choose the best ingredients, chop, marinate, fry, boil, bake and then feast to their heart's content while a bottle or two of wine is poured. And they talk to each other in the meantime. As a friend, I really enjoy invitations to these evenings. And I am treated with just as much appreciation.
For other couples, dinner is a necessity that has to be done quickly between the door and the door. Cooking is not a passion here, so sometimes a call to the delivery service does the trick.
➢ How about a little surprise in the form of a home-cooked favorite meal? We all have a dish or two that makes our mouths water. And when we realize that our loved one has planned, shopped and cooked for us, our heart skips a beat. But we go one better: we set the table, light candles, open a bottle of wine and wait to see what happens. Perhaps a tender amuse-gueule to get us in the mood?
3. show interest in each other's interests: Some couples downright chuckle at each other. They have common friends, common interests and common couple's clothes. Others pursue their hobbies completely separately. And what else is there! Collecting car magazines, golf, sailing, rowing in the attic, chess, ships in a bottle, growing flowers, smoking. We know from ourselves what satisfaction and leisure we derive from these activities. All too often, unfortunately, our partner lacks understanding. Some of these hobbies are tolerated, but others are even fought against.
➢ On the other hand, how nice it feels when our loved one shows at least a certain amount of interest in our affairs of the heart! He or she doesn't have to dive headfirst into the same activities. However, it shouldn't be too much to ask to go along for a round, have the rules explained to them, watch or simply keep them company. It makes us proud to present what we love doing. And it may even amaze others with our special skills.
These are just three small examples. I would like to make it clear that it doesn't take much effort to show our appreciation to others. But sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routine that we don't even think about changing anything. And then we end up wondering where the love has gone. We should keep it alive. And I'm sure you can think of many other possibilities. Use them!