Lovers don't always need to have sex!

How much time do you spend with your partner every day? Probably far too little! Because everyday life catches up with us faster than we even realize. The job eats up a lot of time and energy, and then there are our families, friends and favorite leisure activities. This hits parents particularly hard. Here, everything often revolves around the children and organizing the household. This is all immensely important. But the couple as lovers falls by the wayside. It's particularly important to create space for yourself and to give up the children whenever possible.

Idee für mich
via Anonymous
12/06/2018, 13:41
Für lustvolle Momente mit dem Partner muss es nicht immer Sex sein.© iStock
It doesn't always have to be sex for pleasurable moments with your partner.

The more time you spend together, the more time you have for closeness and intimacy. And of course for sex too! This is also important, because sex is not only fun, it also increases well-being and strengthens the feeling of togetherness. True to the motto: "Us against the rest of the world." That's why it's so important that you both consciously make time for each other. You can go on a journey of discovery together and try something new! But this new thing doesn't need any grand staging.

Erotic closeness almost without sex

If you're only thinking about coitus and orgasm right now, you're missing out on a lot of the vitality of sex. Because there is so much more that connects the two of you in an erotic way:

  • Simply holding hands
  • hours of cuddling
  • Exchanging fantasies
  • Caressing and massaging each other extensively
  • Sending erotic messages
  • Flirting with each other
  • Making yourself beautiful for yourself and the other person
  • Feeling skin contact

This seems obvious, but is often forgotten. If you want to break new ground, you don't need to dress up as a nurse, dare to have sex under the highway bridge or do gymnastics through the Kama Sutra. No, it can be much less spectacular and still have a great effect.

Skin contact promotes closeness

When we feel our partner's skin and warmth, oxytocin is released. This in turn ensures that our stress levels drop and we feel connected to our partner.

How long has it been since the last time you two really caressed each other? Lying naked in bed from top to bottom and back again? Not just for two minutes, but for a whole hour. And without intention, just the stroking itself. You can run your hands gently over the skin, drum with your fingertips or tap with your slightly curved palms. You can use feathers, warmed stones, massage oil or ice cubes.

Pay close attention to your feelings as you do this:

  • Which touches feel good in which places?
  • Which touches do you like to receive and which are perhaps not so nice?
  • What do you like best as a giver or receiver?
  • What might you both have difficulties with?
  • Do you like to look at your loved one?
  • Do you like to be looked at?
  • Or do you perhaps have inhibitions?

Talk about it and share your thoughts with the other person. Let it become a conversation between your bodies, your emotions and your thoughts. Be very close to each other in every way.

Intimate touches and massages

Can you touch each other's sex without immediately reeling off an internal orgasm program?

Take a close look at the colors, the small wrinkles, feel the softness of the skin and the swelling tissue when aroused.
Describe to each other in beautiful words what you see and how it feels.

It sounds easier than it is. Because it takes a lot to be looked at so closely. Some people can't stand it. Then proceed carefully. Massage yourself with relish, explore the sex in every detail and don't think about a goal. Let yourself drift.

  • How does it feel on the shaft of the penis, the frenulum, the inside of the foreskin, the glans, the urethral opening, the testicles?
  • Can you feel the prostate?
  • What about the perineum and anus?
  • How do the outer and inner lips of the vulva feel?
  • Can you find the small gland outlets between them?
  • Can you feel the small shaft of the clitoris, tug the clitoris out from under the foreskin, see and feel the urethral opening?
  • How sensitive is the vaginal entrance?
  • And what about the G-spot? Can you feel it and even see it?
  • Can you touch and allow touching?

Take your time and always stay in contact. By touching and looking at each other in this way, the two of you can create a very intense closeness between you.

Sex is not a competitive sport

Sex makes our hearts beat faster. Sex causes the famous tingling in the stomach. Sex is a life energy. Sex makes us desire and gives us the feeling of being desirable. Sex is a game of the senses. Sex makes our happiness hormones shoot up. Good sex makes us see the world with different eyes, at least for a while. But sex doesn't mean that we always have to fall over each other and tear our clothes off. Sex doesn't mean having to perform. Sex doesn't mean always having to triumph with an orgasm. Sex also means closeness, intimacy and trust. Getting involved with each other and showing yourself. In very small steps. With this in mind - have fun!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION