We only show our best side at first

However, our perception also gets a lot of support. Because neither does the other person show all facets of their physical, emotional and psychological personality, nor do we show ourselves. Rather, we all show ourselves from our best side and really pull out all the stops when it comes to living out our "lovable qualities". This is what Loriot called the eccentricities, idiosyncrasies and normal madness that we later display in our interpersonal relationships. And it is probably quite normal for us to hold them back at first. After all, we don't want to scare the other person off straight away. After all, we don't know what he or she considers lovable.

The colorful palette of our characteristics and quirks

And when we finally show ourselves as we really are, as real people, then the relationship can really get going. Because only then do we start to be real and coherent. And only then will we see the real person opposite us. No longer just the soft-edged, edgeless creature of our pink infatuation phase. But what exactly is it that we try so hard to hide at the beginning, but at the same time shows us as we really are?

1. superfluous body hair

On first dates, and especially on the first time, we are guaranteed not to find a single superfluous piece of body hair in a place where it shouldn't be. Neither on him nor on her. The skin is carefully examined, shaved, plucked, epilated and lasered. We think about whether we want to present our most intimate parts completely naked or just a little coiffed, imagine what the other person will think about it. And then at some point we realize that our hair in the armpits, on the legs, on the back or around the hotspot has been growing for the third day in a row. And we realize that, against all odds, we are loved just as much as if we were clean-shaven.

2. fragrant morning mouth

She/he is still asleep! Quickly to the bathroom, brush your teeth, back to bed and only then an intimate kiss. Or at least something fresh in your mouth to get rid of the, let's call it, not so pleasant taste and smell after waking up. The phrase "not so pleasant smell" is a stretch. That's why we would kill to spare our new love this. So we go to the trouble of leaving the warm bed secretly or under a flimsy pretext in order to present ourselves with a better smell afterwards. As if anyone would wake up in the morning with the smell of mint.... And then one day we wake up and realize that we don't care what we or the other person smells like and just kiss.

3. the separation of the toothbrushes

We are so in love! We can't keep our hands off each other and love to share everything with each other. "You forgot your toothbrush? Oh, that doesn't matter! Just take mine! Go on, have the courage, it doesn't matter to me!" Why not, after all, our mouths and tongues are in constant use anyway. And we've been everywhere with them! The toothbrush doesn't make any difference. But that will change at some point. And then we'll make sure that we use our own toothbrush. Because at some point we need something for ourselves again. And the toothbrush is the first sign of autonomy. "Here, I've brought you this. You now have your own in my bathroom."

4 The first fart, the first burp

In the first few months, we seem to be free of earthly customs:

- We don't transpire, apart from uninhibited and passionate lovemaking of course.
- And we certainly don't smell of sweat. How could we, after all, we spend a lot of time grooming ourselves.
- And of course we don't give off any air, neither up nor down.

But there comes a time in every relationship when we let a little breeze escape. Oops! Eyes wide, hand over mouth, giggling and a "That doesn't matter!" from the other side. Maybe it was just a pussy fart, one that happens because we happily pump air into our vagina with every thrust during sex. After all, it has to come out again. Well, never mind. But now it's time to decide whether we want to have a relationship with or without freedom of expression. For some, this is a sign of trust. For others, it's simply bad behavior.

5. close the door!

There is one activity where, in my experience, most people insist on unrestricted privacy. Even after years of dating. It's about disposing of bodily pleasures. At least those that leave our bodies in solid form. When it comes to liquids, we prefer to be alone at first. But at some point, we no longer wait until our partner is finally busy brushing their teeth/shaving/plucking their eyebrows/applying make-up while we're already squeezing our legs together. Then we simply storm into the bathroom and let it gurgle happily in the toilet bowl.

6. hot lingerie

We usually know exactly which underwear we look hottest in. And that's how we like to present ourselves. At least at the beginning. Shapely curves, crisp buttocks. Our loved one might think that our wardrobe is filled to the top with the most exquisite and beautiful pieces of underwear. Out of sheer lust, we don't even realize that the selection might not be that big. Which wouldn't be a bad thing. And then at some point, the moment comes when we get out our normal underwear again, the washed-out underpants, the practical bras, the simple cotton undershirts. Comfortable and practical instead of hot and sexy? At least the message is clear when we show ourselves in our hot underwear: "Come here and let's play!"

Yeah, finally arrived!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION