But why is she ashamed? The reasons for this lie far back in our life history. Girls and women in particular tend to have difficulties admitting arousal at all. Parents are still insecure when young children are obviously pleasuring themselves. Even more so with girls than with boys. They don't know how to deal with it. And they quickly say: "Don't do that, what will the others think?"
Such prohibitions become ingrained. They have an effect well into adulthood. Having lust seems to be something unseemly. Giving yourself satisfaction, even more so. And then someone comes along and wants to see exactly that. The most intimate pleasure of all. How should we deal with this?
Masturbation is the order of the day
Masturbation, masturbation, solo sex or whatever we call it, has experienced something of a renaissance in recent years. Officially, it is now one of many sexual practices. If the prohibitions from childhood weren't still having an effect, it would have unofficially arrived in our bedrooms long ago. After all, masturbation definitely has a right to exist.
By engaging with our bodies, we get to know ourselves. We have plenty of opportunities to try ourselves out:
- We find out which touches we react to and what turns us on.
- We learn how to stimulate ourselves to climax.
Unusual or very romantic fantasies, sophisticated techniques or even different locations are at our disposal. Most of the time, however, we prefer to enjoy ourselves in private.
Some use their fingers, others bathtub surrounds, sofa backrests, cushions, teddy bears and vibrators. Hardly any household object is safe from creative minds.
- Masturbation can be a quick pleasure. We feel pleasure, put our hands to it and are in the paradise of lust in one or two minutes.
- We can also delay it and take our time when we indulge ourselves.
We are mentally and emotionally deep inside ourselves and lose ourselves in our lust. We don't feel observed and censored. And now someone wants to watch. They very much want to watch us and, above all, derive their own pleasure from it. And it can be very erotic to watch your partner during these intimate activities. There's nothing unusual about that. For many, this is what really turns them on. Because it brings out the little voyeur in us. We might even enjoy showing ourselves off and awaken the hidden exhibitionist in us.
Showing what we like
But watching others is not just for pleasure. We can also learn again. Because our loved one can also benefit from our experience. What exactly does the other person do? How tightly does he or she touch themselves, which movements do they prefer? Men in particular often have difficulty finding out how their partner likes to be touched. And the partner may wish he would find out how she likes it on his own. If she even knows herself ... Women are a little more complicated than men in this respect. And they are so incredibly different when it comes to their desire. So it can be a gift when she reveals herself to him.
Satisfying yourself in front of each other is therefore actually a good exercise program. Showing yourself to a partner for the first time can take a lot of effort. And no one should feel forced to do so. Anyone who is asked to do this is welcome to let the other person go first. So how about she asks him to show himself first? It will certainly be easier for him. And that would pave the way for a new kind of sexual play!
Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION