We can think clearly again and realize that there are other important things to experience and do with or without our partner. And sex, which at first seemed like the most important thing in the world, suddenly mutates into a minor matter. At some point, we may even realize that it's been far too long since we last had sex without even noticing. Is this normal? And what can you do about it?
When infatuation turns into love
Yes, it's actually completely normal! And just to reassure you: We can also do something about it. I'll come to that later. Relationships change over time. We all know that. The initial infatuation can develop into a deep feeling of closeness and connection. We start to really love the other person. In the beginning, we establish closeness and intimacy through sex. And it is also so exciting to get to know, smell, taste, touch and caress the other person. The need for tenderness and physical closeness is correspondingly strong. Lust lives on air and love, so to speak. Having sex is also something that distinguishes a relationship from a friendship, so it defines the relationship.
Over time, we get to know each other better. We discover what occupies the other person, what their preferences and interests are. We also get closer on an emotional and mental level. As a result, sex takes on a different significance and is no longer as necessary as a means of bonding as it was in the beginning. We decide to stay together, move in together and maybe even start a family. We build a life together. This creates a deep sense of connection. Sex is still important, but is no longer necessary to define the relationship.
Less sex doesn't have to be worse
I also have official figures on this development: Hamburg sex researcher Gunter Schmidt found in a study that sexual activity decreases in the first six years of a relationship, but then remains stable at this level for the next 25 years. "The frequency of coitus is particularly high in the couple formation phase (in the first two years) and significantly lower, but constant, in established partnerships (6-30 years)." And sometimes sex can fall asleep completely. As long as this is okay for both partners, it's not a problem. Only when one of them feels neglected is there a need for action. In addition, although the frequency of sexual contact decreases, the quality of encounters ideally increases. After all, you now know each other much better, know what the other person is into and which touches are good for you. Sex goes beyond pure lust fulfillment. We love each other in a physical sense and "make love". The men and women surveyed in the Hamburg study put it this way: "We have lost the emotional liveliness and lightness of the beginning, but we have gained commitment."
Lust can also be planned
We should look at things the other way around: The initial phase of falling in love is not normality. Rather, it is the total state of emergency that cannot be maintained in the long term. Even if that's what many people want. Normal is what comes afterwards. If you keep this fact in mind, it is much easier to deal with it. But you can also make a lot out of normality. You should really take time out for each other. Make time for each other. Plan weekends together where you can spend time together and have time to talk. Make a date for sex. Spontaneity is for beginners. Experienced lovers know how to arouse each other on command, so to speak. Just get going, because the desire will come, according to the motto: excitement leads to lust, but closeness also leads to arousal. Get in the mood with erotic rituals such as a bath together or a soothing massage.