And does closing your eyes mean anything? What is it like for you?

• Do you close your eyes or do you keep them open?
• Do you enjoy or do you prefer to observe?

I assume most people will close their eyes. Because then we can completely surrender to the feeling and enjoy. Women are said to close their eyes more often than men. Can you confirm that?

Kissing is the ultimate way to express affection and to get going. Because we can kiss in very different ways:

• We shower our children with tender kisses.
• We give our friends a peck on the cheek.
• Or we explore mouth cavities and other orifices with our tongues.

The most exciting is probably the erotic kiss. When lips meet and tongues entwine, our pulse increases and it's not just our face that gets more blood flowing. Sometimes there seems to be a direct connection to our abdomen. When we fall in love, kissing is usually the first intimate contact. We enjoy the closeness and the desire that arises. Unfortunately, for many couples, this intense French kiss is put on the shelf at some point. But what happens when we completely forget about kissing in a relationship?

Why do we kiss at all?

No one really knows exactly. After all, there is hardly a topic that has been researched less in sexology than kissing. Nevertheless, there are different explanations:

1. kissing is said to strengthen the immune system. So that would be an immunological explanation. But then why do couples so often have a cold at the same time or one after the other? And why don't all people kiss? Because French kissing as a sign of sexual motivation only occurs in just under half of humanity. So this explanation doesn't seem quite so plausible to me.

2. do we perhaps recognize genetically suitable partners through kissing? We already check this with our smell. And (almost) all people can smell. If we can't smell someone, they don't suit us. When it comes to kissing, we are already one step further. Because the other person has obviously already passed the smell test. So a double safeguard? I don't know.

3. did kissing even evolve from caring for our brood? After all, we used to pass on chewed food to our offspring via the mouth. Thanks to Hipp and co. this is no longer necessary today.

4. isn't kissing much more of a learned social behavior? Do we pass on kissing to our offspring by hugging, cuddling and kissing them so extensively? Children learn that this is a special expression of closeness and intimacy. And a pleasurable one at that, because warm, soft lips are also pleasant to feel on a baby's delicate skin. When the child then returns the first smack, the parents are delighted. The child learns, firstly, to be sure of the parents' attention and, secondly, to express affection in this way.

5 The French philosopher Alexandre Lacroix says that kissing is completely superfluous from a biological point of view. He theorizes that we in the Western world have only been kissing on the lips since the advent of great love films such as Gone with the Wind. Before that, the intimate kiss was a sexual practice that was only widespread in Asia and limited to the bedroom.

In the 1950s, a kiss was used to bring great emotions to the screen. Back then, that was all that was possible and all that was allowed. This intense connection between love and lips seems to have become ingrained in our minds. So it is learned behavior after all, although Lacroix looks at the development of the kiss more from a social and religious perspective. Different cause, same effect.

A kiss a day for more closeness

So much for the theory. For whatever reason we humans kiss, the fact remains that we do it. And we quickly realize how much kissing is connected to our feelings. Regardless of whether it is based on tenderness, romance or wild lust, we show the other person our appreciation and affection. And we do this voluntarily out of an inner impulse that drives us.

If we no longer kiss, we should ask ourselves what is behind it. Are we stifling the impulse in order to punish the other person and show him or her and ourselves that something is wrong with us? Have we alienated ourselves? Or is our life so dominated by routine that there is no room left for closeness? Do we miss kissing? Then we should take action. How about just one conscious kiss a day? As a small routine. An embrace with an intimate kiss with your eyes closed. Feel it, enjoy it. Before we start the day, leave the house, return home or go to sleep. Because we can do everything to ourselves, but we can't kiss ourselves.

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION