6 important steps to the right relationship

Yay, it's finally here, the great love. In the early days, your partner is the most important person in your life. And that's a good thing, because you first have to get to know each other properly and find out whether and how you fit together. What do I want, what does my partner want? What compromises can I make and where are my limits? Do we want to move in together, do we want children? It's important to build and maintain a real relationship. But it's not that easy. But with a few thoughts in mind, you can avoid many a pitfall.

via Anonymous

04/12/2016, 09:45

Mit kleinen Aufmerksamkeiten, Gesten und Worten zeigen wir dem Partner jeden Tag, dass wir an ihn oder sie denken. — We show our partner that we are thinking of him or her every day with small tokens of appreciation, gestures and words.

Whether dancing, cooking or jogging, joint activities can bring couples even closer together.

Anja Drews, sexologist for ORION, gives tips for a good relationship

1. talking is everything

But I'm not talking about everyday life, the rent, the shopping, the children or anything else like that. That is certainly important and should not be neglected. But it's precisely these kinds of conversations that are often the problem in long-term relationships. As a couple, you lose sight of each other in everyday life, lose contact with each other and distance yourself from each other internally. So it's more about talking about yourself and your relationship. How am I doing? How are you? How am I doing with you? And how are you with me? These are fundamental questions that will keep your relationship alive. They allow you to create closeness, gain understanding and show interest in your partner.

2 I belong to me, you belong to you

It sounds very simple, but many people often don't realize it. Being in a relationship, loving each other, does not mean giving yourself up, belonging to the other person or merging with the other person. On the contrary, there are great dangers in doing just that. Because we are all individuals with our own lives, desires and fantasies. If we give up on ourselves, we lose ourselves and make ourselves dependent on our partner. In the same way, we are not responsible for our partner's happiness. We are responsible for our children. As a couple, we belong together, but we are still me and you and take responsibility for our own well-being.

3. our partner cannot be taken for granted

Once we have been together for a long time, we often settle into this life and take our partner and their love for granted. But this is neither the partner nor love! Just like us, our partner needs to feel loved, valued, heard, seen and respected. We show our partner that we are thinking of him or her with small tokens of appreciation. It's not the bouquet of flowers that we give once a year. It's the gestures, the acceptance of work, loving words, surprises in between.

4. honesty lasts the longest

That's an old saying and it still holds true today. We should be honest with ourselves and our partner. It makes no sense to keep quiet about unfulfilled needs or points of criticism. It only paralyzes us and takes our breath away from the relationship. It makes us dissatisfied and ultimately leads to us being unhappy with the relationship. It is so much easier to solve problems together than to carry them around alone. Incidentally, honesty is very important when it comes to having children. If you tell each other honestly what you think about it, you can decide together how to proceed. Everything else is just holding out.

5 Our partner is not the only person in the world

Sure, everyone knows that - after all, there are seven billion of us. But why do we think it has to be him or her who fulfills all our needs? No one can do that! My partner doesn't like shopping, my partner doesn't like fishing? Our partner can't be interested in exactly everything we find exciting. If we focus all our expectations on one person, it can only be doomed to failure. And so there are definitely things that we can also experience with our best friend. And should.

6. you don't have to do everything alone.

This seems to be the opposite of the last point. But it's not. Because there are couples who actually hardly do anything together. Everyday life goes on, he goes to the gym, she goes to the gym, you meet up in bed just before going to bed. What about a sport that we can do together? Surely there's a compromise. Why don't we try something new together? Or a language course, dance class, lecture? Because sometimes it can be like a shot of attention when we see our partner doing something great and being admired by others! Or we are admired because we have such a great partner!

You could fill a book with it and I'm sure you already have. At this point, I would just like to encourage you to question yourself and your expectations of your partner or relationship. Where do I find myself, what can I change or implement? Incidentally, all of this also has an effect on our love life. Only when I have the feeling that my partner is really with me, accepts and loves me as I am, can I let go. When I don't have to fulfill any expectations or pretend. Then I'm much more willing to respond to my partner's wishes and stand by my own desires.

Anja Drews, sexologist for ORION