And this is a major problem for many stalking victims. Because they are often not taken seriously. Stalking really gets to you. People are often abused, insulted, bullied, persecuted, badmouthed and threatened with violence. The internet is also increasingly becoming the scene of bullying and intrigue. There is a term for this: cyberstalking. The resulting helplessness and fear have a huge impact on quality of life and mental health. The effects of post-traumatic stress disorder can be felt years later in the form of anxiety, sleep disorders or panic attacks.

The perpetrators can be former partners, acquaintances or even complete strangers . They are usually people who have been rejected or feel they have been treated unfairly. Incidentally, the victims are not just women. Men also suffer from attacks. However, at one fifth, they are clearly in the minority.

Seven important steps on the way to freedom

If you feel harassed yourself, there are various ways of fighting back. If you experience this with others in your circle of family, friends or colleagues, don't be afraid to offer help. You can provide information and support. Any help is welcome!

1. break off contact immediately

Break off contact immediately if it existed before. Under no circumstances should you get involved in conversations. Anyone who has already started to terrorize someone else is not receptive to reasonable arguments. You can only lose. If the stalker calls, do not even answer the phone! Consistency is the top priority. With every successful phone call, the perpetrator feels confirmed in his or her actions.

This is not always easy. You have probably already saved the names of the people who are important to you in your phone. And if nothing helps, get a new phone line or a new SIM card.

2. do not accept flowers or gifts

Family, friends, work colleagues or neighbors can also help you if flowers or other gifts are sent. After all, you are not always at home or at work. In this case, deliveries here can also be documented, but also rejected. In some cases, gifts are not sent but goods are ordered, which the recipient then has to pay for. If you are actually expecting mail, you can register at a packing station, for example, and have the items sent there.

3. no reply to letters or emails

The same applies to letters and emails. Here, too, you should not reply to them. In the case of emails, you can block the sender in your account settings. If necessary, you may even have to get a new email address. This is particularly difficult for those who use their phone and email for work. But anything is better than being constantly thrown off balance by verbal abuse or insults. You can keep letters with the postmark on the envelope and print out or save emails you receive. This can be used as evidence in a police investigation.

4. change the locks

Some stalkers follow their victims to the front door or even try to break into the apartment or house. If the perpetrator has had a key to your home during a relationship, you should change the locks.

5. do not put any personal papers in the household waste

Be careful what you throw in the household waste! Account details, personal or business correspondence and anything else with your name on it should be disposed of differently. This is because a stalker may try to find out something about you and your life. Even if it sometimes takes a lot of effort or you fear that you will not be taken seriously: Talk to those around you about what is happening. It is always important to have support. If necessary, you also have the option of seeking protection if the attacks get out of hand.

6. dial the emergency number in an emergency

There is now greater awareness of the issue of stalking. Advice centers and specially trained police officers provide information and offer assistance. If you don't know what to do or are in an acute emergency situation, call the emergency number 110! There you can also get advice on whether an interception circuit, a secret telephone number or something similar is an option for you.

7. press charges

Do not be afraid to press charges. According to the police crime prevention department, "quick and consistent police action against the stalker is effective." The harassment often actually stops after a complaint is made. This not only shows the perpetrator that you are serious. It also makes them aware that their actions are not a trivial offense, but that they are breaking the law. A restraining order under the Protection Against Violence Act prohibits the perpetrator from "approaching or staying within a certain radius of the home, workplace or other possible places where the victim is present. In addition, contact by telephone, internet, text message, letter, via third parties, etc. can be prohibited."

You decide what is enough

You and no one else decide when a certain limit has been reached. Don't let anyone talk you into it. We all have different levels of resilience. What some people can easily cope with can send others into a panic. Get help and don't try to get through the situation on your own!

Anja Drews - qualified sex educator for ORION