What is pathological jealousy and how does it manifest itself?
A behavior is always classified as pathological or a disorder if it fundamentally prevents us from interacting on a daily basis. The jealous person feels very insecure and questions their self-worth. They pester their partner with more and more questions, although the answers and even clear facts are never enough to reassure the jealous person. Getting rid of this form of jealousy often requires professional help.
Where does this compulsive behavior come from? Is there a trigger?
The cause often lies in an early childhood attachment disorder. We develop basic trust in our relationship with our first caregivers. It forms the basis for the trust we later place in others. If we learned early on that others were 'better' in the eyes of our parents, or if we were 'abandoned'by a parent due to aseparation , this can have a lasting impact on our trust. Of course, this can also be affected by later relationship experiences. For example, if we were cheated on by a previous partner. In any case, it is important to find out the real cause in order to better understand our own behavior and thus get rid of the acute jealousy. This is the only way to take responsibility for your own feelings.
My partner doesn't trust me at all. Is there anything I can do to help him?
A jealous person who expects his wife to behave in a way that makes him feel good shifts the responsibility for his feelings onto her. Along the lines of: 'I'm feeling bad because you're taking your own space. But that's not right. The jealous person is primarily feeling bad because of past experiences. That's where he needs to start in order to change something. As a partner, I can provide support by, for example, saying where and with whom I am going out. However, this must not restrict me. And it's very important not to feel responsible for his jealousy.
Can this kind of lack of emotional control be cured and overcome?
If you take responsibility for your behavior, you can fundamentally change something. After all, jealousy is a feeling that has been learned through previous experiences. It is therefore also possible to relearn. However, it is not easy to change a behavior that is so deeply rooted in us. People who are pathologically jealous should seek help to find out the causes and correct their behavior. However, the jealous person must be prepared to do this themselves. Unfortunately, many of those affected often find it easier to blame their partner for their own behavior than to finally take responsibility themselves.
How can I get my husband to get help to get rid of his jealousy?
No one can get another adult to get help if they are not willing to do so themselves. Again, everyone has to decide that for themselves. Of course I can say to my jealous husband that I can't stand his behavior anymore and that I can't stay in the relationship if nothing changes. But even then, it depends on the jealous partner whether they can take responsibility for their behavior and want to change something.
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