When does relationship stress make you ill?

It is often the little things that add up to put a relationship to the test. If a partner always makes a mountain out of a molehill, there are often deep-seated problems behind it. Stress triggers are often wide-ranging: It can be minor verbal hostility or insults. A lecturing tone or constant nagging can also have a patronizing effect. Conflicts are often avoided with a passive-aggressive mood, which only exacerbates them. Constantly devaluing your partner because of supposed trivialities is very emotionally stressful for them. The feeling of never being right, being controlled and no longer being able to make their own decisions can also trigger physical problems. If open conflict is also avoided, aggression and frustration can continue to build up and eat a person up inside.

However, aggressive reactions to supposed trivialities are often the result of your partner's greater worries and fears. These can be problems that are not immediately obvious to those involved when arguing about not doing the washing up or being late in the evening.

On the one hand, work can become a trigger for arguments: If your partner frequently has unscheduled appointments, this makes it difficult to plan joint activities. If work takes up a lot of time as well as a lot of your thoughts, this can also make your partner feel neglected.
However, sexual frustration, certain character traits, children or financial problems are also possible points of contention.

It becomes problematic when problems are no longer addressed directly. The couple's communication is then limited to hostility and arguments. In the worst-case scenario, they fall into an escalation trap in which every attempt to find a solution is again seen as an affront. The frustration continues to build up and leaves psychological scars.

Health risks due to relationship stress

Relationship stress poses a major risk to your mental health in particular. Starting with sleep disorders and persistent restlessness, stress can develop into depression and affective anxiety disorders. This in turn can lead to addictions such as alcoholism or gambling addiction. Excessive and stress-related eating or online games, on the other hand, have the potential to become new topics of contention in the relationship.

Physically, stress manifests itself in the form of high blood pressure and an increased release of adrenaline and cortisol. Relationship stress is therefore particularly dangerous for the heart. Women in particular are susceptible to narrowing of the coronary arteries and heart attacks. However, it can also lead to chronic pain, chronic inflammatory bowel disease and muscle tension.

A Danish study from 2014 showed that prolonged stress with relationship partners, family members or children can more than double the risk of death. If there are other factors in addition to stress, the risk increases even further. You should therefore try to avoid relationship stress in order to protect not only your relationship, but also your health.

Relationship stress: what to do?

Behind arguments about supposedly minor things, there are often big worries: a feeling of neglect, sexual frustration or even fears about the future. These latent factors can manifest themselves in a variety of stressful hostilities. However, as long as you negotiate issues, albeit in an unpleasant way, a solution can be found for your relationship. This presupposes that the problems are disclosed. In plain language: you need to have an open conversation with your partner.

However, this is often easier said than done. Couples whose relationship has already been bogged down in disputes for some time lack the distance to have such a necessary conversation. They find themselves in a logic of escalation in which every attempt at rapprochement is seen as an attack. In such situations, the only option is often to see a couples therapist.

However, if a relationship is plagued by fears about the future together, the parties involved also have an interest in maintaining this relationship. In most cases, the necessary openness to resolve the conflict is then present. Joint solutions can be found through discussion. These can be joint sporting activities, trips to the movies or outings to restaurants. In the case of financial worries, on the other hand, joint financial planning can help. Openness and honesty should be nurtured right from the start of a relationship. Shared activities and fixed relationship times strengthen the bond between the partners and give the relationship stability, thus preventing relationship stress.