Arguments in a relationship - you're not alone
According to studies, small arguments are part of every relationship. Around 90 percent of all couples even argue regularly. Nevertheless, it is particularly important that disagreements do not get out of hand and are quickly resolved by talking.
One of the most common topics that leads to arguments in a relationship is the division of household tasks. One partner often feels left alone with the household tasks and has the feeling that the other is not doing enough to clean the house, cook or do the washing. In addition, many partners complain that the other person does not give them enough attention. This is often the notorious failure to listen that men in particular are stereotyped for. In addition, both men and women would like to spend more time together with their partner, even outside the home. Another important reason for arguing, especially for women, is the importance of their own family and that of their partner's family.
If all these issues are not properly discussed or even hushed up, you may have to save your relationship.
The ELMAR method - saving your relationship made easy
The ELMAR method by Kager and Kraft is a formula developed by various counselors to uncover the problems in a relationship and get them out of the way. The method, which consists of five steps, allows you to save your relationship without having to put in a lot of effort. The steps are as follows:
Recognize: The aim here is to find out the reason for the problems in your relationship. Together, the two of you identify the differences of opinion that have led to a crisis.
Localize: The assumption here is that the actual problem has been located. Now you should clarify where exactly the problem lies, for whom it plays a role and why the respective partner is dissatisfied. You should also set out needs that include a desire for change.
Possibility: This step will be the most difficult for you. This is because you need to talk together about whether the problems are too serious or whether the relationship still has a future. You need to ask yourselves whether the problems can be overcome together. If so, let's move on to the next step!
Activity: You have found out what your partner wants for a happy relationship. Use the previous conversations to approach each other again. Make compromises, respond to your partner's demands and don't just take, but also give. Communication and cooperation are the be-all and end-all for the future.
Return: This is about bringing love back into your relationship. Leave the problems behind and experience positive things together. You need to trust each other and show each other that you two love each other and really want this relationship.
Little tips to save your relationship
There are many ways to resolve disputes and save our relationship. However, as every relationship is individual, there is no universal solution to relationship problems. Nevertheless, there are some ways that can help to overcome problems and rekindle love:
- Be open and honest! If something is bothering you, tell your partner and show your feelings. This is the only way your partner can understand how you feel and what is going on inside you. If you don't talk about your problems, they can't be solved.
- If something is bothering you, express your thoughts directly and don't beat around the bush. Only if your partner knows exactly what you want to change and how can you work on it together.
- Even if you don't always feel like it, signal to your partner that you understand and are willing to talk. This will also encourage them to approach you.
- Talk to each other when the excitement has died down a little. Avoid personal attacks or insults that might slip off the tongue in the heat of the moment and always treat your partner with respect.
- Think together about what made your relationship so special. Do things that you both love and rekindle your love.
- If you are stuck on your own but want to save your relationship, seek advice from a couples therapist. There is nothing wrong with seeking outside help.
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