Stay in love

A love that outlasts everything. That survives every crisis and lasts forever - everyone dreams of that. However, finding the "perfect" partner is not easy. However, it is often even more difficult to maintain a relationship. But they do exist, the couples for whom it seems so easy to stay in love. What is their secret? "These couples know that a relationship doesn't just happen by itself, it takes hard work," says Clemens von Saldern. The couples therapist runs a practice in Berlin together with his wife, to whom he has been married for 27 years. "A relationship is like a garden. You have to tend to it so that it doesn't run wild." Both parties must therefore be prepared to invest in the relationship. The linchpin here is his and her needs. One thing is clear: if they are met, we are fine, if not, we become dissatisfied or suffer. The basic prerequisite, according to the therapist: "Become aware of your own needs and those of your partner and talk about them." The decisive factor here is how. "Don't reproach your partner, that leads to a defensive reaction." Instead, according to von Saldern, it makes sense to send so-called "I" messages. Instead of saying: "You never take out the garbage", it's better to say: "I wish for equal weight." What other points are crucial for a harmonious relationship? The couples therapist has the answers.

8 things that happy couples do

1. negotiate compromises

As a couple, you don't always agree on many things. Then it's time to find a compromise. For example, if one person gets their way when choosing a vacation destination, the other can expect something of equal value in return. A compromise is characterized by the fact that it makes both parties unhappy. But this ultimately results in satisfaction.

2. leave outside trouble outside

Are you stressed at work or with friends? Don't take the anger home with you. It's best to tell your partner directly that you're annoyed. This is important because it helps him to understand that your current mood has nothing to do with him.

3. argue, but don't fight

Arguing is important because it helps to bring relevant issues to the table and adapt needs to circumstances. It only becomes problematic when you switch to fight mode, i.e. when you want to emerge victorious from the situation. Then someone ends up feeling like a loser and switches to revenge mode. In a healthy culture of debate, there are no winners.

4. cultivate rituals

Loving rituals strengthen a partnership. Whether it's the coffee you drink together in bed in the morning or the restaurant visit once a month. What they all have in common is that you spend time together instead of just living side by side.

5. meet each other at eye level and remain fair

In a relationship, both partners have the same rights and obligations. This means, for example, dividing up tedious everyday tasks or allowing the other person to go out a lot when I do it myself.

6 Showing love to each other

At the beginning of a relationship, it is easy for us to show our partner how much we love them. Be it through flowers, a love letter, a compliment or a tender hug. Such attentions should not be lost over time. It is best to give each other loving messages every day. Here too, it is important to talk about your needs.

7. take quality time

Spend lots of quality time together. Talk about what you would like to do or do together. It is helpful to remember what things have done you good in the past.

8. use the "magic word"

When was the last time you thanked your partner? A thank you is worth so much more than a request. We show our loved one that we appreciate what they have done. That's motivating.

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